What is it with knives? (I’m sure someone will answer that for us!) So many parents report the use of knives in the abuse they face from their children. I clearly remember a conversation with Julie Selwyn after publication of Beyond the Adoption Order, about the frequency that they had been mentioned in conversations with parents about their adoption journey. And I remember the horror in a friend’s voice as they described their early experience of fostering – which also marked the end of that venture for them. When people talk about being at “the sharp end” of a child’s anger, frustration and pain, this is too often what we are talking about. Continue reading
Tag Archives: CPV
Breaking the Cycle of child-to-parent violence and abuse
It’s always good to see new books published in this field, and so I was pleased to take a look at this “self-guided course for parents of angry, aggressive adolescents or teens” from Elaine Morgan and Laurie Reid. Published by Breaking the Cycle Consulting, Breaking the Cycle of Child-to-Parent Violence and Abuse is available direct from the authors or from Amazon.
Filed under Book review
Child to parent violence: Parents talking
On Sunday 28th August, Hannah Meadows posted on her website “But they look so innocent”: Our CPV experience – an account of living with traumatised primary aged children, and the family’s attempts to access help. The post was picked up by many people over the next couple of days, with significant twitter comments, and then also featured as a Mumsnet Blog of the Day. Hannah’s is by no means the only blog to raise the issue of child to parent violence in recent weeks. As schools returned, other parents spoke out about the stresses faced by their young people and the impact this has on mood, regulation and behaviour; and a quick tweet asking for contributions brought many other families and issues to my attention. Discussion ranged from the difficulties in being believed that there is a problem, professional understanding of the issues, lack of resources and the impact of budget cuts, the problem with “quick fixes” and being encouraged towards courses that are too brief, to what happens when misguided help makes things worse. Some of these issues are all too familiar, but others are important considerations which, perhaps, have not been sufficiently addressed in the past.
One of the people who replied to my comments was Scott Casson-Rennie, adoptive parent to three sons and Regional Manager in the Development Team (England) for Adoption UK. Scott, who tweets as @GayAdoption Dad, kindly agreed to contribute his thoughts and experience for this post. Continue reading
Filed under Discussion
One size doesn’t fit all
Some time ago I had a conversation with a parent of a child with an ASD diagnosis about the use of public care for both respite and therapeutic purposes, particularly when there has been violent and abusive behaviour towards parents present. Since then we have corresponded from time to time as media interest or legislative procedures have bobbed up and down.
The issue which initially brought us together was with regard to the need for specific understanding of the different and differing needs of neurologically atypical children and young people. We were concerned about a “One size fits all” approach in many aspects of support for families, and a shortage of specific training in neurological conditions for many engaging with families regularly in their work. We acknowledged that some conditions (such as PDA) had only recently been identified, but that other diagnoses were well known and well documented, so that there seemed little excuse for ignorance about the effects on mood and mental health, learning and employment opportunities, behaviour and offending. This parent had undertaken significant research into the diagnosis, communication with family, documentation and support for children and young people with ASD, and found that many went undiagnosed or their specific needs unrecognised, despite their over-representation within care and the juvenile justice system. Continue reading
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CPV: working across other communities
In one of those serendipitous ways this topic has cropped up in a lot of separate conversations recently so I thought I’d gather a few thoughts together.
I am indebted to Carole Williams, Parenting Officer in Ipswich and with many years experience as a Who’s in Charge? trainer, for her help in putting this piece together; and also to Cathy Press, Who’s in Charge? trainer, therapist and DA consultant with Awareness Matters, for her input. Although these comments come particularly from experience of working in group situations, many are relevant to one-to-one work also. Continue reading
Filed under Discussion
Child to parent violence, a background hum
Is it me, or have things quietened down a bit at the moment? Granted, I’m not on top of everything across the world, but in terms of big news making events we seem to be having a down period. How do we keep the momentum going in such a situation?
Personally I very much value the opportunity to talk through ideas, listen to those on the front line, apply learning and support each other. It’s also how we test theory, develop new work and highlight areas of need. Without comradeship and support, practitioners as well as parents can feel discouraged and isolated. And there is some quite discouraging news about as budget cuts within the Youth Offending Service in England and Wales take effect and CPV programmes are axed or subsumed into general work. But against this background there are other moves which are worth celebrating. Continue reading
Filed under Discussion
Parent Abuse: Gender issues in group work
Not a very snappy headline I’ll grant you but the alternative was too cheesey – “Keeping gender on the agenda”. Yeah, I know…..
While there are a small number of studies that have found little difference between the violence and abuse from young women and young men towards their parents, the general accumulation of research seems to point otherwise, and it is likely that this discrepancy can be accounted for by the type of survey, the type of data examined, the particular expression of violence or abuse, or the ages of the young people involved. Eddie Gallagher has a chapter on gender in his commentary on the literature regarding child to parent violence, and he confirms the experience of those involved in clinical practice or the legal world, as well as recent research in Oxford and Brighton, that boys are three or four more times as likely to be involved in CPV than are girls. This difference is most markedly shown as the age increases, and the level of violence worsens. This is not to deny that many girls and young women are extremely violent and abusive towards their parents; and Gallagher also suggests that their levels of violence may be increasing. Continue reading
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Child to Parent Violence and the Coronation Street spin-off
As the Coronation Street story line featuring Simon’s abuse of his step-mum Leanne Battersby rolls on, Radio York featured child to parent abuse in the “Georgey Spanswick at Breakfast” show last week. For those not following the soap, there has been considerable exploration over the last months of the difficulties in the relationship, and things came to a head after an argument over the washing up when Leanne was knocked unconscious.
With three segments, (at 00.13, 01.08 and 02.07) Georgey, and reporter Sarah Irwin, interview “Kitty”, a parent who has experienced violence from her young son, and Sarah Hill, Director of York IDAS; Sandra Hiller of Family Lives; and Angela Whitlock, Parent Coach in Ripon. Continue reading
Filed under radio and video
CPV Mapping: Question, Questions, Questions!
There has been an amazing response to the launch of the map last week, locating specialist services for families experiencing child to parent violence, with some very lovely compliments – THANK YOU – and many comments and questions via twitter and email. For ease, I am going to combine them and try to answer as many as possible here.
The URL is a bit clunky. Is there a plan to make it easier to remember?
At the moment the project is hosted on a website designed to enable communities to network and support each other. Most of the groups are geographically based, though ours is a community of interest. We chose this platform because of convenience at the time, cost and the support offered. We would like the map to become a properly resourced resource, kept up to date and easily accessible. We would then move it to somewhere more appropriate and memorable.
What do the different colour “hexes” mean on the map?
Each “hex” represents a service. If you click on them you can learn more about the service offered. They are colour coded at the moment by the type of agency. This isn’t necessarily the most helpful way of coding them though, so it might be changed at some point.
Why only England and Wales?
A number of reasons for this. The way we have located services has been through a huge networking exercise. My own network covers England so we have been looking to exhaust possibilities here first. The Steering Group includes a representative from the Youth Justice Board, which covers England and Wales. In order to make the project manageable in the timescale we had to draw a line somewhere, and so decided on England and Wales. There is a different youth justice system in Scotland for instance, and we do not have the same “way in”. Ireland could indeed be included, as the Daphne RCPV project encompassed the work going on there, but again, time is a factor in this not being included. I know there are people investigating on my behalf though and hoping to send other links as soon as they can. Indeed, I would like to thank the many people who have passed on suggestions of services they know about, and enabled us to cover as much as we have.
Why isn’t the service I told you about included?
Sometimes agencies have decided not to be involved, perhaps because the service they provide is still at the early stages. Sometimes people have just not responded to emails and phone calls. There are lots of reasons for this and I appreciate that everyone is very busy. There is still time for more people to be included at any time. Please do keep sending suggestions, as it is good to know about the work that is going on.
Are you planning to include other types of service?
It would be lovely to be able to capture everything. This might include telephone support, peer mentoring, agencies offering support as part of a more general package, individual counsellors and counselling agencies, to name the types of help I know about. Time!
The map is very much a ‘work in progress’. Though this project is nearing the end, we hope that we will be able to find the resources to continue with it and to continue to build a picture of the help that is gradually developing for families experiencing violence and abuse from their children. And finally, do please let us know if you think it would be a useful resource for you, and in what way.
Filed under projects
Child to parent violence, nothing new under the sun
An article from the Independent newspaper from 1995 was brought to my attention by a tweet from Amanda Holt. The piece, “He’s my son. I love him. But he beats me up“, demonstrates that CPV is far from a new phenomenon, that even 20 years ago there was evidence of children as young as 8 years old involved – and that the connection with intimate partner violence for many families was recognised. In fact it brings together neatly the impact on daily lives as families try to avoid anyone knowing what is going on, the humiliation of having to ask for help, and each woman’s belief that she is the only one involved because of the secrecy around the issue.
Thankfully there is now help available at any earlier stage – but parents may still struggle to find the understanding and support they need close to home.
I believe the legislation mentioned here, the Family Homes and Domestic Violence Bill, was enacted in Northern Ireland, but not in England and Wales.
Filed under Discussion
HOLES IN THE WALL 