by | September 29, 2011 · 10:30 am

LOL – Not!

Knowing my interest in parent abuse, people regularly inform me of clips or articles they have come across. I am often impressed by the thoughtfulness and awareness of some YouTube videos, but I also find myself frustrated and despairing at whole swathes of content. Where do I start?!

Today’s offering is not untypical. A Mum films her son and partner “fighting” for laughs. I hesitate to call it wrestling. I grew up with fond memories of wrestling my dad and brothers on the floor, but it was more about tickling and wriggling than the punches being thrown here. What messages are being given in these videos about the acceptability of violence – hitting your parents as a leisure activity! The blogosphere is similarly populated by parents amused by the “abusive” actions of toddlers (or occasionally disabled children); and Facebook is a rich mine of photos of teens with their Mum in a headlock. We have a community that accepts the notion of parent abuse – but as a joke. Continue reading →

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by | September 22, 2011 · 12:06 pm

Was it ever thus?

I still have a clear memory from my university days, of a particularly inspiring lecture on the work of Geoffrey Pearson, into the ways we continually perceive young people to be behaving worse now than ever. It comes to mind whenever I am asked whether the problem of parent abuse is either new, or increasing in frequency and severity. We can hark right back to ancient Greek philosophers or Shakespeare for examples of young people disrespecting the elders, but it’s probably fair to say that the new-found awareness dates from around the 1980s, with various attempts since then to quantify the amount, and to understand the causes, of teenage violence to parents. Continue reading →

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by | September 9, 2011 · 7:21 pm

More from Australia

Nicely furthering the debate on police and courts’ involvement, Jo Howard discusses the possibility of introducing the American Step Up model of intervention as a response to adolescent violence within the home in Australia. This paper, for the Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse, acknowledges that the philosophical and practical differences between the two systems preclude a straightforward adoption, but there are seen to be strong benefits in a coordinated community approach that includes criminal justice options, offering a means to engage reluctant adolescents and holding them accountable for their violence.

For anyone interested, the September ADFV Clearinghouse e-newsletter is also here.

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by | September 8, 2011 · 7:31 pm

Bournemouth training day, and a discussion about involving the police

An excellent training day in Bournemouth on Tuesday, attended by around 70 practitioners from around the Bournemouth and Poole area. Eddie Gallagher presented findings from his extensive research into child to parent violence (CPV). Lots of thought about the issue of parent blaming and specific reference to his Who’s in Charge Groups, a programme that he has developed in Melbourne, Australia. The group for parents runs for 8 weeks, with a ninth follow-up session, and aims to bring about a decrease in CPV, and improvement in family relationships, as parents start to become more assertive. Eddie also counsels both parents and teens as individuals – and occasionally together if they agree! Continue reading →

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by | September 1, 2011 · 6:14 pm

Data Comparison

Eddie Gallagher has been comparing his data on abuser profiles with that of Routt and Anderson. (see my post of August 10th)

Gallagher sample          N=340 Step-up             N=268
Girls 30% 30%
Sole Mums 55% 53%
Exposed to DV 49% 53%
Any diagnostic label 42% 40%
Diagnosed Bi-polar 0% 19%
ADHD 20% 13%

The similarities are certainly remarkable! Continue reading →

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:30 pm

When abuse turns to murder

Ken Kimsey has brought a tragic item to my attention from the Metro Atlanta State News. A 15 year old, diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, last week killed his great grandmother and seriously wounded his grandmother, who had reared him since the age of 5. Continue reading →

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:26 pm

A number of links that have popped up recently

Envision Counselling and Support Centre

A new page about parent abuse posted by Envision, a Canadian counselling and support service, based in southeast Saskatchewan.

The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse

I first came across this a couple of years ago and it has popped up again this week. “Lou Purplefairy” writes from her own experience of being abused by her own child. She offers an interesting and informative article about parent abuse, followed by advice about getting help. There are a number of comments, which have built up over two years, largely from parents sharing their own harrowing experiences. Sadly, all seem to have had very negative responses from social services, and the advice given is to steer well clear of them. There is also a “mini-theme” about parents being emasculated by the nanny state. This really needs tackling somehow, as it comes up again and again in comments and tabloid press. I have absolutely no sense of how many people actually believe it, but presumably enough!

Finally, my google alert of 16th August sent me to Eddie Gallagher’s website and his 2006 correspondence with a mother regarding her daughter’s abusive behaviour: a heartwarming story of success, and an interesting follow-up to my last post.

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:23 pm

So who IS to blame

The scramble to find reasons and culprits for the recent riots in England has demonstrated again just how visceral is our desire to apportion blame. Once more, parents, particularly single parents, were right up there along with gangs, drugs and schools. Never mind that single parents may have experienced years of abuse themselves, or may be struggling to hold down two jobs to provide for their family; now it seems we expect parents to know where there teenage children are, and what they are doing, at all times. Pointing the finger to the bottom of the pile is easier than asking more troubling questions about our attitudes to those different to ourselves, about the values we have come to hold as a society, and the priorities we have placed on growth, wealth, advancement. Arguably we are all to blame once we buy into this way of life. Continue reading →

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by | August 13, 2011 · 8:28 pm

A new online support service for families

My google alert has twice recently given me the address of a group in the early stages of researching the need for a parent abuse support service: Parent Abuse and Reconciliation Service. Currently they are exploring the level of demand before applying for funding.

The three members of the developmental team come from an educational background, where they have found many instances of parent abuse, but little help available.The eventual intention is to offer parent/child reconciliation using the Restorative Justice model, within the north London area, as well as nationwide advice and guidance.

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by | August 10, 2011 · 9:23 pm

Some Summer Holiday Reading

Restorative responses that are high both on accountability and support are widely evidenced not only for their culturally transferability but their ability to achieve high engagement, ownership and accountability, and empower individuals to change. Step Up is a model that could also be adapted for use in schools, preventative services and a range of family service providers.

(Lynette Robinson, p32)

A series of three articles about the Step Up programme, developed within the youth justice system in the US as a dedicated response to adolescent violence to parents: Continue reading →

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