Broadening the definition of domestic violence

The announcement yesterday by the government that there is to be a consultation on the definition of domestic violence, in England and Wales, is to be applauded, notwithstanding criticism that current policy contradicts this possibility of progress.

The consultation looks specifically at whether to include coercive control within the definition, recognising that this is a very real aspect of domestic abuse and can contribute itself to deaths; and whether to lower the age to 16 / 17, or remove the lower age limit completely. It is important to state here that the lowering of the age is intended to bring within the legislation abuse experienced by teenagers as victims, and comes as a response to reports by groups such as Respect, who have been campaigning hard on the issue of dating violence. Nevertheless, lowering the age would also seem to include the possibility of bringing parent abuse within the definition, a small step towards full recognition.

The arguments about the impact of this have been rehearsed before: the potential effects of criminalising young people, the need to back up law with services, the need to change attitudes as well as the law, as well as the question of whether domestic violence offers the most appropriate framework of understanding. Nevertheless, it remains the case that, for some parents calling the police is a matter of life and death and we should afford them the respect of being able to name the violence for what it is.

The consultation exercise runs till 30th March 2012.

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Family Lives 2011 report

Family Lives (formally Parentline Plus) released an update to their 2010 report: When Family Life Hurts: Family Experience of Aggression in Children’ in November this year. They demonstrate an increase in calls to their helpline regarding children’s aggressive behaviour, and are greatly concerned that only 56% reported having sought help with this. Continue reading

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Teen violence to parents

Lynette Robinson, of Alternative Restoratives, has sent me a flyer for a one-day training course she is joint facilitating in the new year, March 1st 2012 in Wakefield, UK.

You can find details and booking form here.

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The ‘terrorist’ in my home

Amanda Holt has brought another recent article to my attention.

‘The terrorist in my home’: teenagers’ violence towards parents – constructions of parent experiences in public online message boards, presents analysis of two particular online message boards used by parents. This is an important discussion at a time when parents are increasingly turning to this source of help, having been unsuccessful in attracting support via other means.

Further discussion can be found of this in my own article, Searching for help for Parent Abuse: The usefulness of the internet as a resource for parents, which first appeared in the Respect Newsletter, Autumn 2010.

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Parent abuse: a psychological perspective

To what extent is it important to frame the understanding of parent abuse within a particular discipline?

Currently within Britain, and indeed around the world, different models of support have grown up as practitioners have identified the problem within their own working practice. Arguably, parents don’t care what it’s called so long as it works. So child and adolescent mental health services, youth offending teams, family assessment and support arms of children’s services, education officers and domestic violence practitioners have all variously developed their own programmes of advice and support which centre on allowing parents to share experiences, build strength in alternative ways of interacting as a family and rebalancing the power relationships. Continue reading

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32 essays on parenting

The Family and Parenting Institute published a series of 32 essays this month, considering the pressures on modern parenting, what can be learnt from the reaction to the August riots in Britain, and the implications of these for parenting policy. The essays cover a range of topics through single parenting, working lives, welfare, grand-parenting, but were of particular interest to me for the discussion around parenting support: how did it come about, what does it say about the role of the state in parenting, is this what parents want? “Authors …  consider the way in which parenting has become professionalised and the extent to which a deficit view of ‘problem parents’ is now in the ascendance.” Continue reading

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We need to talk about Kevin

Parent abuse wasn’t the first thing I expected when I picked up We need to talk about Kevin, particularly as the friend who recommended it had suggested he thought I would enjoy it. Lionel Shriver’s much applauded book superbly captures the complex family dynamics, the sense of bewilderment and anguish of a flawed but utterly believable mother, desperate for answers and resolution after her teenage son is involved in a high school massacre.

Needless to say, parent abuse isn’t one of the most discussed themes, but as the narrative moves we see the complex power relationships developing as “mummy’s little monster” exerts his manipulating influence. Is it nature or nurture we are constantly asked with, naturally, no clear answers even by the end. Of course the various characters and relationships play their part, but then many children face similar dysfunction in their lies without the consequences we see here.

Now we are to be treated to Lynne Ramsay’s adaptation of the novel, in the film released this Thursday, 21st October. The Guardian has some excellent reviews, and an interview with Tilda Swinton, who plays Eva magnificently. I am quite possibly the most squeamish person you will ever know when it comes to the cinema, but I am assured that the film is much more than a visual retelling of the story; and the magnificent Swinton will be the reason I am at the front of the queue!

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Parent abuse legislation on the cards?

Since work is directed by policy, and policy dictated by legislation, Yvonne Nugent hopes that one outcome of her research into child to parent violence will be the reform of legislation. Based at Loughborough University across the fields of law and social science since 2007, Yvonne originally began this work in 2005.

At the Respect National Practitioners’ Seminar in Nottingham this October, Yvonne presented some of her findings and considered how we can best work within the current legislative and policy landscape. With not even a working definition of parent abuse, the response by agencies is at best ad hoc. It was suggested that both the Every Child Matters framework (within the UK) and the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (3.1) currently offer possible support for work with abusive teenagers and their parents, since it is never in the child’s best interests to be involved in an abusive relationship.

Yvonne hopes that it will not be too long before the UK follows New Zealand in developing both a legal definition of parent abuse and a reform of the safeguarding legislation to include abuse of parents by children under the age of eighteen within its aegis.

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Fifth National Practitioners’ Seminar

This was the fifth annual seminar, addressing young people’s use of violence in close relationships, presented by Respect, this time in conjunction with Nottinghamshire Domestic Violence Forum; and was attended by all manner of professionals from around the UK. As well as 2 amazing presentations to the whole group, there was a wide range of workshops to choose from. Drama in the morning from Loudmouth Education and Training introduced ways of working in schools to promote healthy, happy and safe relationships between young people; and later on we were treated to a presentation about the GREAT project (good relationships are equal and trusting), part of NDVF’s work in primary schools. Continue reading

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LOL – Not!

Knowing my interest in parent abuse, people regularly inform me of clips or articles they have come across. I am often impressed by the thoughtfulness and awareness of some YouTube videos, but I also find myself frustrated and despairing at whole swathes of content. Where do I start?!

Today’s offering is not untypical. A Mum films her son and partner “fighting” for laughs. I hesitate to call it wrestling. I grew up with fond memories of wrestling my dad and brothers on the floor, but it was more about tickling and wriggling than the punches being thrown here. What messages are being given in these videos about the acceptability of violence – hitting your parents as a leisure activity! The blogosphere is similarly populated by parents amused by the “abusive” actions of toddlers (or occasionally disabled children); and Facebook is a rich mine of photos of teens with their Mum in a headlock. We have a community that accepts the notion of parent abuse – but as a joke. Continue reading

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