An excellent training day in Bournemouth on Tuesday, attended by around 70 practitioners from around the Bournemouth and Poole area. Eddie Gallagher presented findings from his extensive research into child to parent violence (CPV). Lots of thought about the issue of parent blaming and specific reference to his Who’s in Charge Groups, a programme that he has developed in Melbourne, Australia. The group for parents runs for 8 weeks, with a ninth follow-up session, and aims to bring about a decrease in CPV, and improvement in family relationships, as parents start to become more assertive. Eddie also counsels both parents and teens as individuals – and occasionally together if they agree! Continue reading
When abuse turns to murder
Ken Kimsey has brought a tragic item to my attention from the Metro Atlanta State News. A 15 year old, diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, last week killed his great grandmother and seriously wounded his grandmother, who had reared him since the age of 5. Continue reading
Filed under Discussion, news reports
A number of links that have popped up recently
Envision Counselling and Support Centre
A new page about parent abuse posted by Envision, a Canadian counselling and support service, based in southeast Saskatchewan.
The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse
I first came across this a couple of years ago and it has popped up again this week. “Lou Purplefairy” writes from her own experience of being abused by her own child. She offers an interesting and informative article about parent abuse, followed by advice about getting help. There are a number of comments, which have built up over two years, largely from parents sharing their own harrowing experiences. Sadly, all seem to have had very negative responses from social services, and the advice given is to steer well clear of them. There is also a “mini-theme” about parents being emasculated by the nanny state. This really needs tackling somehow, as it comes up again and again in comments and tabloid press. I have absolutely no sense of how many people actually believe it, but presumably enough!
Finally, my google alert of 16th August sent me to Eddie Gallagher’s website and his 2006 correspondence with a mother regarding her daughter’s abusive behaviour: a heartwarming story of success, and an interesting follow-up to my last post.
Filed under Discussion
So who IS to blame
The scramble to find reasons and culprits for the recent riots in England has demonstrated again just how visceral is our desire to apportion blame. Once more, parents, particularly single parents, were right up there along with gangs, drugs and schools. Never mind that single parents may have experienced years of abuse themselves, or may be struggling to hold down two jobs to provide for their family; now it seems we expect parents to know where there teenage children are, and what they are doing, at all times. Pointing the finger to the bottom of the pile is easier than asking more troubling questions about our attitudes to those different to ourselves, about the values we have come to hold as a society, and the priorities we have placed on growth, wealth, advancement. Arguably we are all to blame once we buy into this way of life. Continue reading
Filed under Discussion
A new online support service for families
My google alert has twice recently given me the address of a group in the early stages of researching the need for a parent abuse support service: Parent Abuse and Reconciliation Service. Currently they are exploring the level of demand before applying for funding.
The three members of the developmental team come from an educational background, where they have found many instances of parent abuse, but little help available.The eventual intention is to offer parent/child reconciliation using the Restorative Justice model, within the north London area, as well as nationwide advice and guidance.
Filed under projects
Some Summer Holiday Reading
Restorative responses that are high both on accountability and support are widely evidenced not only for their culturally transferability but their ability to achieve high engagement, ownership and accountability, and empower individuals to change. Step Up is a model that could also be adapted for use in schools, preventative services and a range of family service providers.
(Lynette Robinson, p32)
A series of three articles about the Step Up programme, developed within the youth justice system in the US as a dedicated response to adolescent violence to parents: Continue reading
Filed under Discussion, publications
A hidden form of family violence
Judy Nixon, Professor of Social Governance at Sheffield Hallam University, introduces findings from her recent research in this video from Research in Practice. The overwhelming message is that we need to talk about parent abuse more, in order to raise awareness and bring it eventually to policy makers’ attention.
Update October 2017: It looks like this vimeo may no longer be available to view. I would welcome information about a more up to date link.
Filed under TV and video
Reader beware!
This poster has been on display until recently at my local underground station. We may quibble with the statistic, but it’s helpful to remember sometimes that the majority of young people do not offend in any way, in view of some the news items (here and here) that I have picked up over the last couple of weeks following the launch of a book by Dr. Aric Sigman. (The Spoilt Generation: Standing Up to Our Demanding Children, 2011, Piatkus Books) Continue reading
Filed under Discussion
HOLES IN THE WALL 