Tag Archives: Parent abuse

by | November 15, 2011 · 9:35 am

The ‘terrorist’ in my home

Amanda Holt has brought another recent article to my attention.

‘The terrorist in my home’: teenagers’ violence towards parents – constructions of parent experiences in public online message boards, presents analysis of two particular online message boards used by parents. This is an important discussion at a time when parents are increasingly turning to this source of help, having been unsuccessful in attracting support via other means.

Further discussion can be found of this in my own article, Searching for help for Parent Abuse: The usefulness of the internet as a resource for parents, which first appeared in the Respect Newsletter, Autumn 2010.

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by | November 8, 2011 · 9:52 pm

Parent abuse: a psychological perspective

To what extent is it important to frame the understanding of parent abuse within a particular discipline?

Currently within Britain, and indeed around the world, different models of support have grown up as practitioners have identified the problem within their own working practice. Arguably, parents don’t care what it’s called so long as it works. So child and adolescent mental health services, youth offending teams, family assessment and support arms of children’s services, education officers and domestic violence practitioners have all variously developed their own programmes of advice and support which centre on allowing parents to share experiences, build strength in alternative ways of interacting as a family and rebalancing the power relationships. Continue reading →

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by | October 18, 2011 · 8:43 am

We need to talk about Kevin

Parent abuse wasn’t the first thing I expected when I picked up We need to talk about Kevin, particularly as the friend who recommended it had suggested he thought I would enjoy it. Lionel Shriver’s much applauded book superbly captures the complex family dynamics, the sense of bewilderment and anguish of a flawed but utterly believable mother, desperate for answers and resolution after her teenage son is involved in a high school massacre.

Needless to say, parent abuse isn’t one of the most discussed themes, but as the narrative moves we see the complex power relationships developing as “mummy’s little monster” exerts his manipulating influence. Is it nature or nurture we are constantly asked with, naturally, no clear answers even by the end. Of course the various characters and relationships play their part, but then many children face similar dysfunction in their lies without the consequences we see here.

Now we are to be treated to Lynne Ramsay’s adaptation of the novel, in the film released this Thursday, 21st October. The Guardian has some excellent reviews, and an interview with Tilda Swinton, who plays Eva magnificently. I am quite possibly the most squeamish person you will ever know when it comes to the cinema, but I am assured that the film is much more than a visual retelling of the story; and the magnificent Swinton will be the reason I am at the front of the queue!

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by | October 12, 2011 · 9:28 am

Parent abuse legislation on the cards?

Since work is directed by policy, and policy dictated by legislation, Yvonne Nugent hopes that one outcome of her research into child to parent violence will be the reform of legislation. Based at Loughborough University across the fields of law and social science since 2007, Yvonne originally began this work in 2005.

At the Respect National Practitioners’ Seminar in Nottingham this October, Yvonne presented some of her findings and considered how we can best work within the current legislative and policy landscape. With not even a working definition of parent abuse, the response by agencies is at best ad hoc. It was suggested that both the Every Child Matters framework (within the UK) and the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (3.1) currently offer possible support for work with abusive teenagers and their parents, since it is never in the child’s best interests to be involved in an abusive relationship.

Yvonne hopes that it will not be too long before the UK follows New Zealand in developing both a legal definition of parent abuse and a reform of the safeguarding legislation to include abuse of parents by children under the age of eighteen within its aegis.

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by | September 29, 2011 · 10:30 am

LOL – Not!

Knowing my interest in parent abuse, people regularly inform me of clips or articles they have come across. I am often impressed by the thoughtfulness and awareness of some YouTube videos, but I also find myself frustrated and despairing at whole swathes of content. Where do I start?!

Today’s offering is not untypical. A Mum films her son and partner “fighting” for laughs. I hesitate to call it wrestling. I grew up with fond memories of wrestling my dad and brothers on the floor, but it was more about tickling and wriggling than the punches being thrown here. What messages are being given in these videos about the acceptability of violence – hitting your parents as a leisure activity! The blogosphere is similarly populated by parents amused by the “abusive” actions of toddlers (or occasionally disabled children); and Facebook is a rich mine of photos of teens with their Mum in a headlock. We have a community that accepts the notion of parent abuse – but as a joke. Continue reading →

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by | September 22, 2011 · 12:06 pm

Was it ever thus?

I still have a clear memory from my university days, of a particularly inspiring lecture on the work of Geoffrey Pearson, into the ways we continually perceive young people to be behaving worse now than ever. It comes to mind whenever I am asked whether the problem of parent abuse is either new, or increasing in frequency and severity. We can hark right back to ancient Greek philosophers or Shakespeare for examples of young people disrespecting the elders, but it’s probably fair to say that the new-found awareness dates from around the 1980s, with various attempts since then to quantify the amount, and to understand the causes, of teenage violence to parents. Continue reading →

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by | September 8, 2011 · 7:31 pm

Bournemouth training day, and a discussion about involving the police

An excellent training day in Bournemouth on Tuesday, attended by around 70 practitioners from around the Bournemouth and Poole area. Eddie Gallagher presented findings from his extensive research into child to parent violence (CPV). Lots of thought about the issue of parent blaming and specific reference to his Who’s in Charge Groups, a programme that he has developed in Melbourne, Australia. The group for parents runs for 8 weeks, with a ninth follow-up session, and aims to bring about a decrease in CPV, and improvement in family relationships, as parents start to become more assertive. Eddie also counsels both parents and teens as individuals – and occasionally together if they agree! Continue reading →

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:30 pm

When abuse turns to murder

Ken Kimsey has brought a tragic item to my attention from the Metro Atlanta State News. A 15 year old, diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, last week killed his great grandmother and seriously wounded his grandmother, who had reared him since the age of 5. Continue reading →

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:26 pm

A number of links that have popped up recently

Envision Counselling and Support Centre

A new page about parent abuse posted by Envision, a Canadian counselling and support service, based in southeast Saskatchewan.

The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse

I first came across this a couple of years ago and it has popped up again this week. “Lou Purplefairy” writes from her own experience of being abused by her own child. She offers an interesting and informative article about parent abuse, followed by advice about getting help. There are a number of comments, which have built up over two years, largely from parents sharing their own harrowing experiences. Sadly, all seem to have had very negative responses from social services, and the advice given is to steer well clear of them. There is also a “mini-theme” about parents being emasculated by the nanny state. This really needs tackling somehow, as it comes up again and again in comments and tabloid press. I have absolutely no sense of how many people actually believe it, but presumably enough!

Finally, my google alert of 16th August sent me to Eddie Gallagher’s website and his 2006 correspondence with a mother regarding her daughter’s abusive behaviour: a heartwarming story of success, and an interesting follow-up to my last post.

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by | August 29, 2011 · 2:23 pm

So who IS to blame

The scramble to find reasons and culprits for the recent riots in England has demonstrated again just how visceral is our desire to apportion blame. Once more, parents, particularly single parents, were right up there along with gangs, drugs and schools. Never mind that single parents may have experienced years of abuse themselves, or may be struggling to hold down two jobs to provide for their family; now it seems we expect parents to know where there teenage children are, and what they are doing, at all times. Pointing the finger to the bottom of the pile is easier than asking more troubling questions about our attitudes to those different to ourselves, about the values we have come to hold as a society, and the priorities we have placed on growth, wealth, advancement. Arguably we are all to blame once we buy into this way of life. Continue reading →

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