Category Archives: Discussion

by | July 4, 2023 · 7:08 pm

How do we keep funding going?

In March 2013, at a conference in Nottingham, a speaker warned us: we cannot make this a new thing – we have to help people understand it as something that is already their responsibility.

Indeed, the use of harmful, violent and aggressive behaviours towards parents and carers is not a new phenomenon, but the way we interpret it and seek to bring help has changed significantly in even the last 20 years. Not so much now about the tyrannical child, or a behavioural challenge or poor parenting, as about connection, communication and seeking for control, about mental health and an understanding of the very real risks faced by some parents. At the time of that conference, there were few specialist services in existence, and organisations were just coming to realise the extent of how many families in the UK and around the world were affected by child to parent violence. 

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by | January 31, 2023 · 2:21 pm

#CPVA What about the Men?

We talk a lot about how child to parent violence and abuse disproportionately affects women – citing the ‘availability’ of mothers because of their particular caring responsibilities, and the societal messages that young people pick up. We talk about more boys than girls, and more young men than young women, using harmful behaviours – and indeed their behaviour being perceived as more harmful, or more likely to bring them to the attention of the police. These are real issues and ones which deserve our attention and our consideration.

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by | December 22, 2022 · 3:08 pm

Wishing you hope in the new year

Sometimes life doesn’t play out the way you hoped – or planned. For those living with children who use behaviour to express hurt, distress or anger, the reality can turn out to be very different. Those working in this field are getting hold of this idea properly and in that respect it’s been a good year – more awareness, more research, more funding and provision. But the truth remains that there is a long way still to go before everyone who needs it has access early on to support, in order to understand what is happening in their family and to make things safer and happier.

But I have to live in hope, however hard; and so I wish every family and everyone touched by CPV some hope for the new year. This time of year can feel very dark (in the northern hemisphere at least) but the light will grow stronger over the weeks ahead!

For myself, I look forward to continuing to build networks: to connect all those with an interest and curiosity; to linking up professionals and policy-makers to bring about system change; to bringing together people across continents to learn from eachother. This is your invitation to join the party! Get in touch. Tell us about your work. Share your own hopes and dreams. We cannot make the change on our own, but together we can do great things!

If you need help over the Christmas period, many services will have shorter hours and are closed some days. If you feel in danger then always consider calling the police or mental health services. Family Lives are closed 23rd – 27th December and 31st to 2nd January. The Samaritans will be open all over the holiday.

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by | September 25, 2022 · 3:08 pm

Agreeing terms: It’s only helpful if it’s helpful

I wonder whether it is a peculiarly British thing that we have taken so long to decide on both a name and a definition? There is the need to be inclusive and not to offend, but also a strong sense of digging in of heels at times! Which is perhaps how come we still have both a myriad of letters and words for this type of harmful behaviour, and a lack of agreement on who to include, whether it is one phenomenon or many, whether they need to be distinguished within a typology – and most recently – what the upper age range might be.

Of all the reasons that have been given for making sure we agree terminology in work in the area of child to parent violence and abuse, the one that stands out for me is that families, practitioners and policy makers all need to share – and own – the language used. If not, then we risk losing people along the way, unable to access help or to adequately explain their experience. A couple of different initials and we have lost a load of data. Failing to agree and we start to look like a divided community.

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by | June 21, 2022 · 8:33 pm

That piece in the Sunday Times

Last Sunday there was an article in the Sunday Times, by Megan Agnew, titled “We had to hand our adopted child back – we had no choice.” The article is behind a paywall and I appreciate it may not be accessible to everyone, so I can tell you that it includes material from interviews with a number of adoptive parents, from Adoption UK, Nigel Priestley, Professor Stephen Scott and a spokesperson from the Department for Education. It talks about the changes in the adoption system over the years, about the need for support for families from the very start of the process because of the early experiences of children, and the tragic circumstances of families who no longer feel able to provide safety and security for their children and the rest of their family. Some of the families concerned were able to access support that was helpful, some went on to ask Children’s Services to accommodate their child under s20. In some situations this was seen as a success story; in others the plight of the child and the family became even worse. Essentially the piece is highlighting the need for proper support for adoptive families to enable them to stay safe and stay together; the reality of child to parent violence for many families driven by trauma and mental health difficulties; and the post code lottery of support available. In that sense it is not a new story, but by retelling it there is a hope that one day things might improve.

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by | March 11, 2022 · 3:29 pm

Research priorities

I was chatting to someone recently and we were pondering the next direction for research in the field of child to parent violence and abuse. We are not without guidance in this respect. Most reports and papers conclude with recommendations, including further research needed to fill gaps in knowledge and understanding, and in the development of good practice.

Indeed, in the recent rapid literature review for the Domestic Abuse Commissioner’s Office (here and here), Victoria Baker and I made a number of proposals for the way forward, with eight separate research priorities which can be summarised as follows: 1) establishing a nationally agreed terminology, 2) collecting robust data, 3) longitudinal research looking at the long term implications including “cost to society”, 4) a focus on young people’s experiences and perspectives, 5) how the experience and presentation of CPV is affected by the intersection of different identifying factors and situations, 6) high risk cases and those involving sexualised behaviour and abuse, 7) robust examination of context, and 8) the impact of COVID-19 for families and support services.

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by | January 18, 2022 · 4:26 pm

How can I be sure? Developing a standard for work with families experiencing child to parent violence and abuse

  • How do I choose between different training and trainers?
  • Can I be sure this service will really help my family?
  • What would make me choose to commission one programme rather than another?

All questions I have been asked over the years – some more recently than others – and all very valid!

How do you decide between different providers, now that the number of agencies offering training and provision around child to parent violence and abuse is growing at pace, and with so many programmes being designed from scratch? With so much offered online now, there is no longer the easy decision about travel time, though budget-size might still feature as a legitimate concern. And there remains limited research citing clear evidence of the long term effectiveness of different approaches.

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by | January 6, 2022 · 11:41 am

A consideration of violence

I’d like to start the new year off with a hope that we will see a continuing growth in understanding around child to parent violence and abuse – at all stages of life – and that that understanding will be matched by resourcing and provision. I wish all of you reading this good health in 2022, a kinder year hopefully for all!

In the meantime I have a guest blog from Jason Mitchell of Semblance Theatre, considering our understanding of violence and the meaning we make of it. I came across the work of Semblance Theatre through a Google alert. Jason is the Developmental Lead for Semblance, an organisation that combines extensive experience in the field of childhood trauma, particularly around adoption, with therapeutic approaches and performance arts. Over to you Jason ….

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by | November 3, 2021 · 1:11 am

Positive feedback

People who know me will probably tell you that I tend to shy away from conflict. Not quite “peace at all costs”, but nearly so. I’m sure it’s something I’ve carried from my childhood and, as I’m more aware of it, I reflect on when it can be a helpful stance to take – or not!

It’s something I hear of a lot, listening to parents who are living with violence and abuse from their children, as they become more and more restricted in the space they have and the lives they live in an attempt not to trigger ‘an incident’. Something that can seem helpful at the time perhaps, but ultimately this is going in only one direction. 

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by | October 8, 2021 · 2:03 pm

CPV: Challenging (my) assumptions

In early research it was reported (Charles) that child to parent violence (CPV) was an issue more likely to be found in white families, as black or Hispanic parenting practice was considered to offer greater protection through a more rigid and traditional style. And yet, in Britain, we see Afro-Caribbean young people over-represented in the police statistics when the figures are broken down. For many years now, children and young people’s violence and abuse towards their parents has been documented right around the world, whether through research or via media reporting. When I was studying the issue in 2005, I came across stories from Saudi Arabia, China, Singapore, Malta, and Nepal. Amanda Holt references work from both north and south America, Europe, Australia, South Africa, Iran, India, and Sri Lanka; and of course we have research too from New Zealand, Japan and Egypt. Simmons et al suggest that this is a phenomenon of industrialised nations wherever they are. But how do we interpret this sort of information, and what conclusions do we draw? What do assertions and data such as these really tell us about what is going on? What assumptions underlie the work we do?

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