Parenting children using violence and aggression – the unofficial guide!

Full disclosure – I am huge fan of Sally Donovan’s writing, having stumbled across her early on in my obsession with the issue of children using violence and abuse towards their parents, and so I become madly excited at the news of a new book from her coming out! She has not disappointed me. Sally, and Carly Kingswood who joins her this time round, both write with a gritty honesty, having lived with the subject matter for more years than they would have liked, and are living proof that you can come out of the other end with some degree of sanity, health, and most importantly hope.

The Unofficial Guide to Therapeutic Parenting for Childhood Aggression and Violence is very much written with parents in mind who are struggling with this right now – who might need to read in small chunks, to take a break every now and then to process the content, who want to understand what’s going on and why as well as top tips to help right now, and may only just be holding things together themselves. It is grim but also funny, sweary but also hugely empathetic. There are squirrels* along the way and plenty of advice about what to do when it all kicks off (the most frequently asked question at training sessions in my experience). Right at the start Sally says: “what we are talking about is not simple and it certainly isn’t nice”, but it is certainly real!

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Evaluation of work with children using harmful behaviour towards parents

Calling all those involved in delivering or commissioning work to support parents experiencing child to parent violence and abuse! I am pleased to repost the information below from the University of Sheffield, who are undertaking an evaluative study into work with children using harmful behaviours towards their parents and carers.

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Hear ME project published

Dhriti Suresh-Eapen and AVA are thrilled to publish the findings and recommendations from their Hear ME project today.

This one-year small scope project sought to centre the experiences of mothers experiencing violence and abuse from their adult children, and to start to fill a massive gap in understanding and policy recommendations. Over the course of many months, the research team heard from those on the frontline, both as parents and as practitioners, before formulating a series of proposals which are brought together in this report.

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Deprivation of Liberty stories

Summer is the time that I catch up on reading all the research papers and news articles that I have been storing on my laptop; and so I have finally found the space to pull some thoughts together. One thing that has particularly caught my eye over the last months has been the reporting on the rise in the number of vulnerable young people subject to Deprivation of Liberty (DoL) Orders.  

Children and Young People Now has run a number of articles about this, examining the reasons for the sharp rise in orders (here), and analysing the growing gap in secure care provision (here), and in this piece from the beginning of August, looking at the impact on the young people themselves, often placed at great distance from their families and support systems, in unsuitable accommodation and in situations likely to increase their trauma and vulnerability rather than aid their recovery. 

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How do we keep funding going?

In March 2013, at a conference in Nottingham, a speaker warned us: we cannot make this a new thing – we have to help people understand it as something that is already their responsibility.

Indeed, the use of harmful, violent and aggressive behaviours towards parents and carers is not a new phenomenon, but the way we interpret it and seek to bring help has changed significantly in even the last 20 years. Not so much now about the tyrannical child, or a behavioural challenge or poor parenting, as about connection, communication and seeking for control, about mental health and an understanding of the very real risks faced by some parents. At the time of that conference, there were few specialist services in existence, and organisations were just coming to realise the extent of how many families in the UK and around the world were affected by child to parent violence. 

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Updating the Working Together Guidance

The government is currently working on an update to the multi-agency statutory guidance document, Working together to Safeguard Children, as part of the first phase of their plans to transform Children’s Social Care.

We want to see strengthened multi-agency working across the whole system of help, support and protection for children and their families, a system re-balanced towards help at an early point, and strong, effective and consistent child protection practice. 

Please take a look at the government website on this in order to read the consultation documents, to take part in the survey and attend the consultation events on June 29th and September 4th.

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Mapping CAPVA support in Merseyside

Merseyside Violence Reduction Partnership – Child/Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) Research

Researchers at Liverpool John Moores University are currently conducting a study on Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse, with the aim of mapping provision across Merseyside to gain a better understanding of support availability and effectiveness, as well as how services could be improved.

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Introducing a new CPVA Directory!

I started posting news about the project I was working on, with others, to map provision for families experiencing child to parent violence and abuse (CPVA) in 2014, with regular updates before finally launching the page on my website in October 2015. At that time we knew of maybe 30 specialist services dotted around the country, some already well established, and others already a little precarious in their funding stream. Since that time there has been an exciting slow but steady growth in provision as different agencies have got on board, speeding up most recently through the support of the Domestic Abuse Commissioner‘s work in raising the profile of CPVA.

Keeping the Directory up to date and relevant has been a mammoth task, and one which is now beyond my capabilities with the growth in services, and so I have been working with Respect for the last year to see how it might migrate onto a new platform. Respect have a long history of work with young people using violence and abuse in the home, and importantly they also already have a large database of services within the domestic abuse arena, and so I knew that this was an area of work that they had both the experience and capacity to maintain for the future. Over the last months, all members of the old directory were contacted and gave permission to move across and the new Directory was finally launched last week!

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CPVA Community Networking

This feels like something I’ve been banging on about since forever! Suggesting that individuals and organisations link up with each other to share knowledge and build capacity, to encourage each other and find strength in collaboration. Some organisations have a ready-made network through the particular programme they offer, for instance Who’s in Charge? or RYPP; some have built links across disciplines within their authority, such as the networking events run by Capa; others have contacted colleagues in the neighbouring boroughs or from friendships built at conferences. We saw the benefits at first hand during lockdown, when a number of events were held on line to keep people enthused and inspired. This seems particularly valuable, working in a field which remains poorly understood in some areas, and indeed, where reflective – and effective – supervision may be difficult to access.

In this spirit, I invite you to read the following letter, from Lou Mason, founder of the Sunflower Network and the Sunflower Hub. Lou and I spoke a while back after we were introduced, and I offered her this space to talk about the work she does and the opportunities offered by her organisation.

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CAPVA: A Hidden Problem

I wrote about the DAC Festival of Practice a month ago, and I was thrilled to receive this poem just now. Records were made of the various sessions in a range of ways, including graphically and through poetry from the spoken word poets who had been invited to participate. Many thanks to Rakaya Fetuga, who took these minutes of our presentation and the ensuing discussion.

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