by | July 11, 2016 · 2:11 pm

I fear my son will kill me one day

This headline and the accompanying piece in the Family section of the Guardian last Saturday could not fail to shock those who came across it: a mother describing the terrible physical abuse she experiences at the hands of her teenage son.

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“Sarah” has found it almost impossible to admit that she is scared of her son, and yet when she first asked for help was told that it was unlikely she would get any – because he was loved and not in any danger. This reflects the prevailing story: that in a culture that separates children’s and adults’ needs and services, and focuses on the rescuing of children from danger, we fail to recognise the centrality of relationships in family lives, whether in their fragility of care or their strength to bring healing. Feeling undermined by professionals as much as by strangers and increasingly isolated at a time when their need for support on every level increases, the family is now offered 2 nights respite care every six weeks. Continue reading →

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by | July 4, 2016 · 9:46 am

Children who have experienced loss and trauma

I was very proud recently to be asked to contribute to an educational programme developed by the University of Sunderland.

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Children who have Experienced Loss and Trauma is an online training programme consisting of a series of short modules, each of which can be completed over a period of ten weeks, focussing on this area of work. My module, An Introduction to Child to Parent Violence, is available from mid July, and more information can be found on the CELT website.

The programme addresses the need for easily accessible CPD and introductory training for a variety of professionals and carers, and anyone interested in learning more.

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by | June 29, 2016 · 1:31 pm

Learning Links funding secured for NVR

Some good news at a time when we are becoming used to hearing of funding being cut. Congratulations are due to Learning Links, a charity based in the south east of England, who announced last week that they have secured funding from Children in Need which will enable them to continue to run their Circles of Support programme for a further two years. Circles of Support consists of Non Violent Resistance (NVR) sessions with additional parent and child relationship building activities. The target is to reach and support parents and carers of 90 children aged between 5 and 17 years.

The Business Development Manager, Clare Mussell  said: “Our NVR courses have been absolutely crucial in supporting families who are living with child to parent violence. It is crucial that families get support to alleviate stress and to ensure that children achieve the best outcomes in life. The BBC Children in Need funding will enable us to deliver NVR and build bridges between parent and child and bring the family back together”.

Learning Links has offices in both Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight, and details of how to contact them can be found here.

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by | June 9, 2016 · 8:10 am

Child to parent violence, a background hum

Is it me, or have things quietened down a bit at the moment? Granted, I’m not on top of everything across the world, but in terms of big news making events we seem to be having a down period. How do we keep the momentum going in such a situation?

Personally I very much value the opportunity to talk through ideas, listen to those on the front line, apply learning and support each other. It’s also how we test theory, develop new work and highlight areas of need. Without comradeship and support, practitioners as well as parents can feel discouraged and isolated. And there is some quite discouraging news about as budget cuts within the Youth Offending Service in England and Wales take effect and CPV programmes are axed or subsumed into general work. But against this background there are other moves which are worth celebrating. Continue reading →

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by | May 30, 2016 · 5:12 pm

Royal Commission on Family Violence, 2016

“Of course I knew it was a very serious and extensive problem, but I don’t think I realised the dimensions and the scale of it“, the words of Justice Marcia Neave, who was the head of Australia’s first royal commission into family violence, which reported at the end of March, after a mammoth 13 months, during which the commission heard evidence from more than 200 stakeholders to come up with a final list of 227 recommendations. The commission was set up by the government of Victoria specifically, but the Victorian premier, Daniel Andrews, promised to accept every recommendation, and it is hoped that the federal government will also act in areas over which they have jurisdiction, such as the Family Law Act. Continue reading →

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by | May 16, 2016 · 11:26 am

Happy Birthday, Holes in the Wall!

Please allow me a moment of self-indulgence as I celebrate 5 years of this website, Holes in the Wall, ‘born’ in May 2011 out of a desire to make a contribution to the understanding of children’s violence to parents, known sometimes as parent abuse. As a present to myself I have ordered shiny new postcards to leave with people at conferences and events, explaining how ‘Holes’ came about and how you can be part of the community!

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Continue reading →

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by | April 25, 2016 · 11:32 am

Parents’ experiences of being abused by their adolescent children: Doctoral thesis from Kerry Clarke

I’m delighted to be able to give the link to the Doctoral Thesis, on adolescent to parent violence and abuse, submitted by Kerry Clarke last year at the University of Hertfordshire, which is now publicly available. The thesis can be accessed here. Kerry is writing from within the Clinical Psychology discipline, and there are some important points made about the dearth of discussion within this field of work, particularly given that such professionals are often ideally placed and trained to support families. Continue reading →

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by | April 8, 2016 · 1:47 pm

Assuring the quality of training opportunities

A few years ago the sorts of training opportunities available for practitioners and parents / carers (in the UK) around child to parent violence were confined to Local Authority organised days, a small number of agencies with developed expertise, and projects such as the Daphne RCPV work. Whether you could access anything easily was very dependent on where you were in the country – both in terms of accessibility and in having the costs covered. Models of work are varied and it was sometimes difficult to find training which reflected your own approach. In the last year there has definitely been an upsurge in training opportunities advertised – which is good news for those who want to know more, but it brings its own issues. Can you be sure the provider is qualified to deliver the training? Will you be properly equipped at the end to practise the skills – whether in your home or at work? Are the techniques and models promoted safe? Will the training be recognised by funders? Continue reading →

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by | March 30, 2016 · 1:42 pm

The Mapping Project: Final Reports

The research project to map specialist services for families experiencing violence and abuse from their children (Mapping Child to Parent Violence and Abuse Support Services in England and Wales, 2015) came to an end in December 2015. The funding was for a six month period only and we are pleased with the progress we made, though disappointed not to be able to do more. We will continue to add services as they are developed and we come across them.

I have blogged about this a number of times in the last year, most notably here and here.

The Final Report is now complete and can be viewed here. There is a shorter Executive Summary, which is available here.

Any comments will be gratefully received, as will contact details of additional services. Thank you!

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by | March 23, 2016 · 8:54 am

Be curious

Watching the most recent series from Channel 5 about child to parent violence recently, Violent Child, Desperate Parents, I’ve been struck by the principle underlying the therapist, Mandy Saligari’s work: Be Curious.

Read or listen to the discussions around the programme, or follow particular communities on twitter, and you’ll be familiar with the common assumptions about what’s behind the abuse. Parents too soft, giving them everything they want, they just need boundaries, parents have given up, the parents don’t give a damn. Of course, they do give a damn which is why they are taking the almighty step of exposing their lives to general opprobrium via this popular medium, but that seems to be overlooked. Continue reading →

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