International Child To Parent Abuse Conference

On October 14th, 2024, Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS) hosted an International Child to Parent Abuse (CPA*) conference online.  The conference was well attended, provided British Sign Language Interpreters for every presentation, and there were a range of speakers from around the globe with the goal of fostering “a collaborative environment where stakeholders can share knowledge and strategies to better support those impacted by CPA” (PEGSupport.co.uk).

A clear thread which ran through the day was the way in which different professionals, practitioners, and researchers were using a public health approach to understand CPA. 

The first speaker, His Honor Judge James Burbidge, highlighted that substance misuse is often found in cases that are seen in the Crown Court, providing two case examples of adult children, one was initially charged with attempted murder of her mother, the second was an adult child who had sexually assaulted his mother and planned to physically harm her. Julie Mackay provided case examples of patricide in her afternoon presentation. Substance misuse and serious mental health issues of the adult children were considered a prominent feature in every presentation. Amanda Warburton Wynn’s case study of a grandson who murdered his grandmother also referred to significant mental health issues and the pressures of mutual caring responsibilities. The lack of support for those supporting children or grandchildren with mental health challenges is a clear issue which has led to terrible outcomes for whole families.

More positively, PEGS have been working with Brightstar for many years, and they provide sessions for young people at risk of causing harm through a needs-based understanding (i.e. if a person has their needs met, they are less likely to cause harm). With a Believe, Belong, Become throughline, Brightstar begin each session with boxing, helping young people to meet their affective needs and regulate their emotions, they then continue to a behavioural session talking through thoughts and feelings (affective needs, relational needs). The importance of recognising unmet needs was also outlined by Jeremy Todd (Family Lives) through a violence-reduction programme of work in which parents are supported to understand and not normalise of minimise the harm, which includes supporting children with their neurodivergent, mental or emotional health needs.

Other, specific, CPA intervention programmes were outlined by Dr Andy Newman. A particular challenge in ‘what works’ for CPA is the lack of consistency, lack of long term data, and whilst many of the interventions mentioned have shown promising outcomes, it is clear that there is no one-size fits all, with some interventions being applied on populations they were not designed for (i.e. positive behavioural support for autistic children when it was designed for children with learning disability). What is clear is that there are many excellent services available, so much so that responses may be positive because of the good working practices, rather than the usefulness of a particular intervention.

NHS Safeguarding reported similar challenges, particularly regarding the relevance of neurodivergence and poor mental health in this area; that diagnoses are not labels, but a useful lens in which to understand a child’s experiences in the world. This concurred with Amanda Holt’s findings, who also found that parents would focus on the wellbeing of their child over their own safety. Both presenters, as well as Dr Silke Meyer in the afternoon session highlighted that a whole family approach, one which recognises that they have individual needs, as well as family needs, is important. Furthermore, recognise the wider family or systems, as many children live outside the family or with others in a parenting role.

A more systematic approach to tackling CPA was identified by Sarah Townsend who shared findings from her Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Travel Fellowship, exploring how New Zealand could learn from the UK and Australia when implementing policy guidance. How policy can stay ahead of progress is a challenge through, as highlighted by Emma Pickering, tech-facilitated abuse is evolving faster than policy-makers can keep up, and this has resulted in harmful artificial-intelligence generated imagery. Furthermore, just parents increasingly monitor their children’s locations using technology, children are doing the same for their parents.

How to help families through the lens of public health was clear throughout, with an emphasis on looking at how certain features of a person’s identity creating additional barriers to accessing support. Kate Fejfer spoke to how those from Eastern Europe have specific challenges when accessing support for domestic abuse more broadly, whereas Polly Harrar (CEO The Sharan Project) talked through the challenges South Asian families, and particular mothers, have when navigating CPA. Vulnerabilities of older adults was discussed by Rebecca Zirk, with Richard Robinson (Hourglass service) advocating for an older person’s commissioner, as Northern Ireland and Wales have one, but England and Scotland do not. 

PEGS is continuing to engage in a myriad of awareness raising activities of CPA, led by their founder Michelle John. Comments relating to the conference can be found on social media via #StandWithPEGS, and employers are encouraged to sign their CPA covenant to support any employees living with CPA.

Find out more about the event, and future PEGS events:  https://www.pegsevents.co.uk/

Nikki Rutter

*CPA is the preferred terminology of PEGS and the parents involved with them, and so is the language used throughout this blog.

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A Personal Announcement

When I started this website in 2011, I had very grandiose ideas – bringing together everything in the world about CPVA into one place, while simultaneously being incredibly naïve about how I would achieve that – or how long I would carry on for! As it happens, it has proved to be both a challenge and a privilege to keep it going for so long and to learn so much myself along the way.

In June this year I announced my plans to retire, and although I had been winding things down for a while, I was absolutely clear that ‘Holes’ should carry on, and so I have been working with a number of people over the last months to ensure this can happen. 

I am delighted now to let you know that from November 2024 this website will be managed by a team of people with vast experience in this area of need and work, in terms of research, practice, training and personal experience; a team made up of Capa First Response and Durham University. I hope and believe that, under their leadership and management, ‘Holes’ will carry on – and indeed develop in the future – to reach an even bigger audience, and provide a more comprehensive and helpful service for all those who access it. I am pleased to leave it in good hands, and look forward to seeing how it develops over the next 10 years!

In the meantime, thank you all for all your support and encouragement; for the contributions that many have made in terms of advice, content and comments, and indeed for all the work that you all do. I hope you will continue to supply all of those for the new team going forward, and that you will join me in wishing them all well.

Very best wishes, Helen

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CPV: The podcast special

How do you consume your podcasts?

On the way to work on the train? Walking the dog? While you’re doing the ironing? Or do you find a quiet half hour to focus solely on the content? However you find the time, there are some great podcasts out the at the moment, focussing either specifically on children using harmful behaviour towards parents – CPV – or on different approaches to working with families to bring about a more healthy and hopeful life. These may be directed first and foremost towards professionals – offering guidance for work with families, or they may offer tips and strategies directly to those affected. Whatever you are looking for, they all remind us that this is something that is more prevalent than we might have imagined previously, but that there is hope when you find the right people who know their stuff!

By no means a definitive list, but here is a selection of some of the top podcasts regarding CPV.

The Adoption and Fostering podcast is now in its 9th year, with nearly 200 episodes in the library. Al Coates and Scott Casson-Rennie discuss a range of issues related to contemporary adoption and fostering, often with special guests. Many of the episodes touch on children’s aggressive behaviour towards parents and carers. A fair number focus on this issue specifically. While this is labelled as adoption and fostering, many in other fields will find topics of relevance.

Capa First Response launched Series 1 of their podcasts in early 2024 and already have a second series ready to go. Series 1 features conversations between founder Jane Griffiths, Senior Practitioner Matt Rider, and patron Helen Bonnick, and touched on more general issues regarding child to parent violence and abuse which come up frequently in discussion, while the next episodes will address more specific topics such as neurodiversity. There is a third series in the planning stage.

The NVR podcast is aimed both at professionals and families, with experts in the field discussing strategies, the rationale behind this way of working, and case studies amongst other things. Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) has a proven track record for work with families who have experienced trauma, and looks at ways to de-escalate a situation and build a supportive network around the family. Peter Jakob, Shila Desai, Jill Lubienski and Rachael Aylmer chat together and bring in special guests. The applications are broad, but again, many will touch on families where children are using violence and aggression, or where there are similar overlapping issues.

Sarah Fisher is an NVR practitioner who developed Connective Family, a practice supporting families where children are exhibiting challenging behaviour. Her podcasts are often shorter than others but full of down to earth advice and quick tips for busy families.

Interwoven Connections is a Canadian Organisation supporting ‘the tapestry of families and relationships formed through adoption, kinship and customary care’, particularly where children are using harmful behaviours towards parents and carers. They have a library of resources for parents including webinars and podcasts.

There are of course many other resources as well as these listed. You will find some listed on the Sound and Vision page, but I would also invite comments if you have suggestions of other relevant podcasts which have been helpful to you and which you can recommend to others on this subject!

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CPA Awareness Day – nearly here!

Since 2022, PEGS have been marking International CPA Awareness Day in October. In a busy field of awareness days it was surely time we had our turn, and PEGS have worked hard to make it a meaningful event of awareness raising as well as celebration of achievement. This year the day falls on Monday 14th October and the team have put together a virtual conference of renowned international speakers, bringing together researchers, policy makers, decision makers, frontline professionals and campaigners.

It is the first time professionals from across the globe will gather together to share updates, policies, research and education, alongside the team at PEGS.

The speaker line up is impressive and this will certainly be an interesting all day event. You can find out more information about the day, as well as booking your place, via the PEGS website.

CPA (child to parent abuse) is the term preferred by PEGS, but they include within this umbrella all the many harms that parents experience, whatever you choose to call it.

There are many other conferences coming up over the next weeks and months which will be of interest to those working with families experiencing child to parent violence and abuse. Head over to the Events page for more information about these opportunities.

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8th International NVR Conference

The 8th International Conference on Non Violent Resistance is being held in Amsterdam next April – 3rd, 4th and 5th. More information and registration details here.

Proposals for presentations are invited, deadline for submission is 15th September, and those accepted will receive a FREE place at the conference.

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The new Eastenders CPA storyline

It’s not the first time, of course, but that doesn’t stop the excitement when the issues surrounding child to parent violence and abuse (CPVA) are brought to greater public awareness through inclusion in a popular soap on TV or even the radio!

We’ve had Coronation Street in 2015, and Holby City in 2018 to name but two, and I was definitely convinced The Archers was touching on the issue when Jamie Perks started causing trouble around 2010; and now in 2024 we have an announcement that Eastenders will be featuring a storyline examining the relationship between Tommy Moon and Kat Slater over the course of the summer.

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Adult-Child to Parent Harm, Violence and Abuse: Parent and carer survey

I am pleased to post this request from Equality Collabs who have been commisioned by the Mayor’s Office for Police and Crime (MOPAC) to undertake research to enable better understanding around adult-child to parent harm, violence and abuse. The project focuses on the London area, but responses are welcomed from parents and carers around the country.

To take part in the survey you can scan the QR code above, or access the form via this link.

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Starting from Scratch

What would be the first thing to do if you were starting from scratch? 

Not the usual question I am asked. In the past it would have been “how much is there?”; more recently the enquirer would be asking for priorities from a list of recommendations. But I was meeting last week with Sarah Townsend, Principal Advisor to Te Puna Aonui, the New Zealand joint venture to improve the whole-of-government approach to family and sexual violence.

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An important reminder

When an election is called, civil servants are subject to strict rules about what they can and can’t do. The work of government is in effect paused until the new administration takes office. This means that from 24th May it has not been possible to learn any more about the Home Office Consultation on terminology and the definition of child to parent abuse; and more importantly that it is not clear what will happen after the election on July 4th. Having been banging on about this for at least the last ten years, and having just this week announced my retirement, I am struggling not to take this personally!

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Hearing from adopters about living with traumatised young people

In March 2016 I went to Kings Cross to meet with someone I had been talking to on Twitter for a year. Needless to say, my family were horrified! I have just been looking back over our preparatory conversation – lots of nonsense about what we both looked like and whether we would be wearing a rose to recognise each other. Reader, we both survived the experience and became good friends, working together to raise awareness of child to parent violence and abuse and the lack of support particularly for older adolescents and young adults post adoption. 

This last weekend, ‘J’ – because it was her I met, founder of The POTATO Group – and the rest of the POTATO committee, put on a conference in Birmingham: Far, far beyond the adoption order, Lessons from lives impacted by trauma. Organised entirely by themselves, while simultaneously parenting traumatised young people and adults, it was by far one of the most powerful and moving presentations I have ever seen. 

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