Tag Archives: parenting

by | December 8, 2025 · 4:30 pm

The right support

For the final part of our series on motherhood, we have a submission from ‘Kelly’, who found herself “rock bottom” in 2023…

“We now have a situation in which staff feel they are compelled to give your child exactly what he wants, on his own terms, in order to avoid an outburst.  He does not appear able to cope with a situation in which he does not get his own way.”

Email from my child’s headteacher, March 2023.

Just re-reading that email has brought back how I felt when I read it, prior to my son, age 7, being excluded from school due to his harmful impulses.  I felt at rock bottom – totally desperate and alone.  In the months that followed, I wasn’t sure we would ever be in a position where we could have any kind of quality of life.  My child was at home, with me, and I was left to manage these behaviours for the most part, alone.  I wasn’t sure how he would ever be able to access any kind of education.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to my job – something I had worked hard for and loved.  We were in a deep, dark hole and I could not see any way out.  My son had started to internalise that he was ‘bad’ and ‘naughty’ and I constantly felt judged as a parent (something which I now realise is a common, shared experience).

As I write this and reflect on a traumatic time, I feel very emotional.  How I felt then, could not be further from how I feel writing this today.

In September 2023, after 6 months away from education (which felt like such a long time, but now I speak to parents who have children in similar situations who have been out of school for years), my son joined an SEMH (Social, Emotional, Mental Health) primary school. To say that our experience with this school has been life-changing is not an exaggeration.

Going back to school, after a period of time away, is difficult for any child; especially for a child who associates education with a negative experience. Those first few weeks, getting him into school was tough. The difference? Professionals who understood his needs and supported him.  The difference for me – no longer getting at least one phone call a day (another shared experience, I’ve found, is the feeling of your heart sinking when you see ‘School’ flash up on your mobile!). 

We are now two years into our SEMH specialist education journey and my son is happy and confident. I always say we are now thriving, not just surviving. Here are our highlights:

  • Amazing, amazing, amazing staff.  Working with SEMH children isn’t easy.  The staff fully understand the needs of each individual child – in mainstream, it always felt like my child’s behaviour was something to be controlled, rather than understood, for the sake of the other children in the class. Smaller classes and more adults allow each child to focus on learning.
  • Opportunities – behaviour was such a concern that things like trips and experiences would be limited in mainstream.  SEMH school has allowed my son to fully partake in school life – the joy of seeing your child perform in a school Christmas production when you didn’t think that would ever be a possibility – or the confidence to send him away for a residential.  Just amazing!
  • Reflection – children are encouraged to reflect on harmful behaviour both in school and at home. I can communicate with school, so he is held accountable by a professional he respects.  We have benefitted from parent-school meetings with the parent support advisor, teachers and the CAMHS worker attached to the school. We discussed behaviour as a family and came up with a clear plan for home.  This has really supported our home relationships to be positive. I’ve never felt judged, only supported.
  • An opportunity to meet other parents in the same position.   

I hope that this post has demonstrated that it is possible, as both a parent and child, to come out of a dark place.  I’m sure we will face more challenges in the future but I now feel supported by professionals and able to face these.

I know not all families are lucky to have fantastic SEMH provision. I think it is so important to recognise that mainstream can not always provide this targeted intervention.  I believe that proper investment from the government in SEMH provision and staff, would support children who are at risk of exclusion or disengaging from school (and therefore more likely to be at home engaging in harmful behaviours that involve family or carers), to be happy, understand themselves and positively contribute to society.  It is my dream that all families can benefit from this in the way we have.

‘Kelly’ and her family are the perfect example of how small changes (such as an appropriate school provision) can have a profound impact on quality of life of a whole family. Do you have such positive examples? Do let us know if you do!

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by | December 4, 2025 · 2:08 pm

1,000 children

It’s taken a little while to pull together some thoughts regarding the recent BBC article on the adoption crisis which has forced many children back into care: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0kdv1x83gko

You can read Jane Griffith’s eloquent response on behalf of CAPA to this here: Jane’s response

This piece seems to solidify much of what we have spoken about over over two recent themes: adoption and motherhood. Whilst the focus of the article is very much on parents, and we should never minimise the impact on fathers (indeed we plan to have this as a focus soon!), it was Verity who was arrested after her son accused her of assault, it was Verity who felt suicide may be her only option for escape; and both parents were threatened with prosecution for abandonment. Overall, the piece is a frustrating demonstration of what adoption activists have been talking about for well over a decade. Why has so little changed?

The article is harrowing, and the journalism and efforts of the families to explore the complexity families are often having to juggle alone is done with sensitivity for everyone concerned. As Fiona Wells and PATCH frequently state, if the money is there to place children back into care, the money is there to support the families to prevent this from happening. Traumatised children and teenagers not only require, but deserve compassion and support, and by leaving this the sole responsibility of their adoptive parents means that trauma is prolonged and experienced vicariously.

In the article, Liam, a teenager who was returned to care reflects “I think if social services had sorted themselves out, and I think if we had sorted ourselves out, personally, we could have pushed through and maybe it would have been a different situation“. This is an important reflection by Liam, who recognises a family’s desire to improve their circumstances (“if we had sorted ourselves out“), but this cannot be done without services stepping in to provide the required support (“if social service had sorted themselves out“). Thus, this is not about blame, but about recognising the value of working together to support traumatised children and the parents who love them. If a 17 year old can understand that, why does the law find it so difficult?

John Stuart Mill (English philosopher) famously stated that a moral society can be judged by how it treats its most vulnerable. Reflecting on this idea in the context of the article, where traumatised children are left without intervention, and parents seeking support are threatened with police action… it’s a damning indictment of where we may and how far we have left to go.

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by | October 3, 2025 · 9:40 am

Post-Adoption Support in Crisis: Families Speak Out 

If you are at all interested in Adoption and LinkedIn, you will already be aware of Claire Agius, a PhD student from Manchester Metropolitan University, who has recently submitted her PhD and kindly created a post on her emotionally-aware research with adoptive parents for the final blog on our adoption series.

Adoption is one route to permanence for children who cannot remain with their birth families. Many have lived through neglect, abuse, or significant early adversity. Adoptive parents step forward to provide stability and care, but they cannot heal trauma alone. When systems delay, misdirect, or fragment support, families are left carrying unbearable burdens, and the stability adoption promises is put at risk. 

My doctoral study explores the impact of raising a child with trauma on adoptive parents’ mental health and examines how systemic structures help or hinder families. Conducted between 2022 and 2025, the research combined in-depth interviews with adoptive parents and post-adoption professionals with a participatory, film-based process that enabled parents to revisit and re-interpret their own stories. Parents co-edited emotional “touchpoints” from their filmed interviews, first for emotional processing, and later for collaborative meaning-making. This innovative two-stage process revealed not only what families said in the moment, but how they later understood their struggles, providing rare insight into why problems persist across time. 

Methods and Approach 

The study engaged adoptive parents and post-adoption professionals across England. A distinctive feature was the use of filmed narrative interviews, later revisited with parents through an adapted Experience-Based Co-Design (EBCD) process. Parents co-edited their most painful or telling moments, “emotional touchpoints”, which became the basis for deeper reflection and co-analysis. Importantly, emotions often shifted between the first and second viewing: what was raw distress initially was later reinterpreted with new perspective. This temporal dimension offered a richer understanding of how families live with and make sense of ongoing struggles. 

Key Findings: Five Causal Mechanisms 

The research identified five systemic mechanisms that help explain why adoptive families encounter the same challenges again and again: 

Crisis-Led Logic → Invisible Early Struggle 

Services are triggered by visible breakdown, not early distress. Parents described desperate pleas for help that went unanswered until crisis loomed. Professionals echoed this dynamic, explaining that thresholds and funding criteria meant they were often forced into reactive rather than preventative roles. 

Unsupported Care Work → Relational Burnout 

Parents’ own emotional needs are rarely recognised. The relentless labour of advocating, soothing, and managing daily crises falls heavily on them, with little formal or informal support. Professionals noted that while therapeutic resources might be offered for the child, parental wellbeing was considered a lesser priority in post-adoption support planning. 

Mistrust and Marginalisation → Silenced Insight 

When parents seek help, they are too often met with suspicion or blame. Instead of being recognised as experts on their children, they are treated as the problem. Several professionals reflected on how mistrust erodes open communication, acknowledging that risk-focused cultures can silence parents’ perspectives. 

Systemic Fragmentation → Constant Bureaucratic Burden 

Families must navigate siloed services, repeated assessments, and defensive institutions. Parents spoke of becoming “experts by necessity” in order to access what their children required. Professionals described a fragmented landscape that left them struggling to coordinate support or act decisively across organisational boundaries. 

Service-Defined Progress → Residual Struggle 

Support is often withdrawn once narrow service criteria are met, even if families continue to struggle behind closed doors. Services may focus on keeping placements intact while overlooking the wider toll. Professionals described similar frustrations, noting that time-limited interventions often forced them to close cases prematurely, even when they suspected families would continue to need help. 

Impacts and Implications 

Together, these mechanisms explain why adoptive families experience persistent strain. Parents’ mental health suffers, siblings carry secondary trauma, and placements teeter on the edge of breakdown. For government, the cost is twofold: the human suffering borne by families, and the financial burden of avoidable crises across social care, education, and health. 

The findings carry important implications at multiple levels: 

  • For families: parents’ mental health declines under unsupported care work, and siblings experience secondary trauma that remains invisible to services. 
  • For systems: a crisis-led, fragmented model means resources are mobilised late, at greater human and financial cost. The Adoption Support Fund, while valuable, is shaped by bureaucratic gatekeeping. Parents described decisions made by staff without sufficient trauma knowledge, leading to inappropriate or stop–start provision. Trauma-informed practice must extend from top to bottom of the system, including commissioners and fund-holders as well as frontline practitioners. 
  • For knowledge and practice: by marginalising adoptive parents’ perspectives, services lose access to vital expertise. This study shows that film-based, participatory methods can surface and revisit lived experience in ways that expose persistent problems and open space for collaborative solutions. 

Recommendations 

Based on these findings, five preliminary priorities for reform are proposed: 

  1. Invest in early relational support – Commission services that intervene proactively, building resilience within the first year post-placement. 
  1. Support the whole family – Embed provision that includes parents’ mental health and siblings’ wellbeing alongside the child. 
  1. Reduce bureaucratic gatekeeping – Simplify and standardise access to the Adoption Support Fund so families can receive timely help. 
  1. Embed trauma-informed practice system-wide – Extend trauma awareness beyond frontline therapists to commissioners, fund-holders, and policymakers. 
  1. Value lived expertise through co-design – Involve adoptive parents directly in shaping provision, policy, and evaluation frameworks. 

Conclusion 

Adoptive families are willing partners in the work of healing trauma. But they cannot do it alone. By using filmed interviews and a co-interpretive process, this study demonstrates both the human and systemic costs of current approaches, and the potential of participatory, trauma-informed methods to generate change. Adoption will remain a sustainable route to permanence only if support is early, relational, and family-centred, and if adoptive parents’ lived expertise is recognised as central to system redesign. 

Claire’s ’emotional touchpoints’ will no doubt resonate with many families, and what we really like about her work is the relevance to practice. The recommendations may seem common sense, but they highlight the very real challenges experienced by adoptive families. Do connect with Claire if you are interested in learning more.

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by | July 29, 2025 · 9:12 pm

Why I Wrote “Decoding Aggression, Complex Behaviours, and Brain-Based Disabilities” Maude Champage

As an adoptive parent and as a professional dedicated to supporting children, youth, and their families, I’ve spent years observing a significant gap in how we approach aggression, complex behaviours, and brain-based disabilities. This gap often leaves families feeling isolated, misunderstood, and without the effective, timely support they desperately need. It was this persistent observation, coupled with a deep desire to bridge that divide, that ultimately led me to write my new book, Decoding Aggression, Complex Behaviours, and Brain-Based Disabilities.

My primary motivation for writing this manual was to get the most current and impactful information directly into the hands of the professionals who work with these families every day.

Far too often, groundbreaking research and effective strategies remain confined to academic journals or specialized conferences, taking too long to filter down to the front lines where they can make a real difference. I envisioned a resource that would empower therapists, educators, social workers, medical professionals, and other caregivers with the latest understanding of aggression in children and youth, equipping them with the tools to provide truly effective and timely support.

The title itself, “Decoding Aggression,” speaks to the core of the book’s purpose. Aggression in children and youth is rarely a simple act. It’s often a complex communication, a symptom of underlying challenges, particularly when brain-based disabilities are present (like ADHD, complex developmental trauma, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and Autism – to name a few). Without a comprehensive understanding of the neurological, developmental, and environmental factors at play, interventions can be ineffective, leading to frustration for both the child and their family.

But this book isn’t just about understanding the causes of aggression, it’s profoundly about supporting the entire family. When a child exhibits aggression or complex behaviours, the impact ripples through every aspect of family life. Parents often experience immense stress, burnout, and social isolation. Siblings may feel neglected or fearful. The family unit as a whole can struggle to maintain a sense of balance and well-being. This is why a central tenet of Decoding Aggression is the unwavering focus on the well-being of all family members impacted by these issues.

I firmly believe that effective support for the child is inextricably linked to robust support for their family. This means equipping professionals not only with strategies to address the child’s behaviours but also with the knowledge and empathy to support the parents, educate the siblings, and help the family navigate the systemic challenges they face. The book emphasizes a holistic, family-centered approach, recognizing that a child’s progress is often accelerated when their family feels empowered, understood, and adequately resourced.

So, who might benefit most from Decoding Aggression, Complex Behaviours, and Brain-Based Disabilities?

Professionals in a wide array of fields will find this manual invaluable:

· Educators and School Psychologists: To better understand and support students exhibiting aggression in the classroom, develop individualized education plans (IEPs) that are truly effective, and collaborate more effectively with families.

· Therapists (e.g., Psychologists, Social Workers, Occupational Therapists, Speech-Language Pathologists): To deepen their clinical understanding of aggression in the context of various brain-based disabilities, refine their intervention strategies, and provide more comprehensive family-based therapy.

· Medical Professionals (e.g., Pediatricians, Psychiatrists, Neurologists): To gain a more nuanced understanding of the behavioral manifestations of neurological conditions and better guide families towards appropriate support services.

· Social Workers and Child Protection Workers: To enhance their ability to assess complex family dynamics, identify underlying needs, and connect families with appropriate community resources.

· Caregivers and Support Staff in Residential Settings: To implement consistent, informed, and compassionate approaches to managing challenging behaviours in their daily interactions.

Ultimately, I wrote Decoding Aggression, Complex Behaviours, and Brain-Based Disabilities out of a profound commitment to improving the lives of children, youth, and their families. It is my hope that this book will serve as a vital bridge, connecting cutting-edge knowledge with practical application, and empowering professionals to deliver the timely, effective, and truly family-centered support that every family deserves.

I have also dedicated this book to:

All family members who have experienced the worry, shame and isolation of caring for a child who struggles with keeping safe and healthy relationships: you are seen, believed and you are not alone.

Maude

You can find the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/Decoding-Aggression-Behaviours-Brain-Based-Disabilities/dp/B0F9214CBZ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1OD69LLLGO2Y6&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kVPzly11CtfGpuQzdiRElh2vLYHAKMcB_nUlVggLmsbGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.zTY5nMhkYFfu5-vaQIkIEVvQ4i4NPpWMZ3ALsIzJGxQ&dib_tag

Find out more about Maude’s work and several resources on her website and social media pages: https://www.maudechampagne.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-maude-champagne-363a322ba/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61575276833045

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by | July 24, 2025 · 8:53 pm

Fellowship Work – Al Coates

The start point is my own home, we’re a family made through fostering and adoption. How that came about is their story but the themes of early adversity, separation and loss, then navigating the care system before being grafted into a home and family are common for the majority of adopted, kinship and fostered children. The impact on them doesn’t require too much imagination or knowledge of child trauma to understand. 

The affect of early life challenges cast a long shadow across my children in different ways. Lots of normal parenting challenges but also meltdowns, dysregulation, shouting, threats, refusal, aggression, destruction, bullying and intimidation became our normal. Behaviour supercharged with, what was often, an intensity and duration far beyond behaviour that parents and carers expect. We found ourselves consumed and exhausted by the challenges, constant accommodation, negotiation, regulation and peacekeeping all the while struggling to keep ourselves sane.  

There was an ebb and flow to our lives, we received support some good and some not so good, it would come and go, interventions and support would run it’s course.We managed at times for a period but then would be drawn into extremes of behaviour that would unravel us all. 

This experience specifically inspired me to consider how services support families made through adoption and kinship arrangements beyond short bursts of intervention. For many families the challenges that they face are enduring and span childhood rather than brief moments in time or developmental phases. This question was the spark for my Fellowship*. 

All this made me question how other countries and contexts supported parents and carers in similar circumstances. I knew, anecdotally, of some services in North America but the nature of the issue means that services supporting families are not always that easy to find. The Fellowship’s purpose is to draw learning from international models and then to see it applied to the UK. 

I decided to undertake my learning online mainly because I didn’t know where to go. The silence around this issue is deafening and having been successful in my application I had a mild panic that I would not be able to identify professionals and services to speak to. I’ll not bore you the trail and where it led me but frequently the key links in the chain were parents and carers who had built on their lived experience to then go on and build, develop or work in services that helped other families. 

Peer support was the cornerstone of so many services that I spoke to (Canada, USA, Republic of Ireland etc.). This was no real surprise, peer support offers specific antidotes to parents and carers who often find themselves isolated both in practical terms due to the physical need to be present with their child and to manage the environment but also the relational isolation that so often occurs. Online communities offer a unique opportunity to connect the caregivers in a way that meets the practical challenges but also the instant and reactive nature of many families’ daily lives. 

Trained and supported peer coordinators/mentors working with clinicians offering interventions to families was a model utilised in Canada. The mentors were able to build onto the connections they had with parents and carers delivered low level but immediate interventions. For example,  writing safey plans, identifying supporters and advocacy with other professionals. Beyond this they understood the clinical interventions being offered and spoke directly to the practitioners delivering them. Carers were supported while they waited for interventions, they were offered support in terms of their own wellbeing and then once the interventions drew to the end they didn’t fall off a cliff edge but remained part of the peer community and if necessary could retain access to the clinicians. 

The benefits of community underpinned by interventions were clear, families spoke of feeling held, understood, supported and validated. They could ‘top up’ their knowledge and seek clarification.   Like all families life would take over, children’s behaviour would ebb and flow but the door remained open with families remaining connected and did not have to start from scratch if they wanted help.  

There was so much more discussed across the conversations I spoke with services in Australia about the model of intervention used for families and with practitioners in the US about respite and the needs of children. There was so many valuable conversations that I decided to release over 20 of the interviews as part of the report as well as the three podcasts that I created with my findings. You can view the report summary and listen to the podcasts here.   

There’s no longer a silence in the UK about challenging, violent and aggressive behaviour in children but there remains no clear consensus on how to help families. My hope is to help move that conversation on. My Churchill Fellowship Report is part of that conversation. I hope people find it at least interesting and at best of value. 

*The Churchill Fellowship is a UK charity which supports individual UK citizens to follow their passion for change, through learning from the world and bringing that knowledge back to the UK. Together the community of Churchill Fellows use their international learning to lead the change they wish to see across every area of UK life. 

60% of adoptive parents say they have experienced violent and aggressive behaviour.  Kinship families are often caring for children with similar biographies that can be compounded by the interfamily challenges and the age and circumstances of the carer. 

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by | June 11, 2025 · 1:10 pm

Is it conflict – or something more? Understanding couple relationship dynamics

As co-founder of We Are Amity CIC, I’m often asked the same question: “Is this parental conflict, or is it something more serious?” When tensions rise at home, it can be hard to distinguish between everyday disagreements and something more harmful. But understanding this difference is vital. It shapes the kind of support we offer, the risks we consider, and the safety we help families create, especially for children. In this article, I explore how to tell the difference between conflict and control and why naming the dynamic matters.

Is it conflict – or something more? Understanding couple relationship dynamics

When tensions between parents rise home, it can be challenging to understand what’s really going on, especially when strong emotions, parenting pressures, or past experiences cloud our judgement.

One of the most common questions families and professionals ask is this:

“Is this conflict between us or is it something more serious, like abuse?”

Understanding the difference isn’t just helpful; it’s essential. It shapes how support is offered, what risks might be present, and how children are protected.

What Is Parental Conflict?

The Department for Work & Pensions released official statistics on the number of children affected by parental conflict in families. The figures showed that 12% of children in couple-parent families had at least one parent who reported ‘relationship distress’ in the 2021 to 2022 survey period. Reducing Parental Conflict – GOV.UK

Parental conflict happens in many families. It often looks like:

  • Heated arguments about parenting, money or other stressors
  • Shouting, blaming or interrupting during disagreements
  • A sense of relationship frustration that builds over time
  • Struggling to resolve everyday arguments

In these relationships, both people usually feel able to voice their views, even if those views aren’t always heard kindly. There’s often mutual stress, shared responsibility, and an underlying desire to resolve things, even if that’s not always successful.

These dynamics can still affect children. Ongoing conflict, especially when it’s loud, unresolved, or frequent, can leave children feeling anxious, caught in the middle, or unsure how to express their emotions. We know this impacts their ability to sleep, do well at school and their emotional outcomes. But crucially, there is usually no ongoing fear or deliberate control in these situations.

Example: A separated couple frequently argue over contact arrangements or money. They both express anger, and communication often breaks down, but neither tries to control the other. Both want to find a way forward, even if they’re stuck on how.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is different. It’s not about two people disagreeing. It’s a pattern where one person holds power over the other, using fear, control, and manipulation to maintain that imbalance.

It can show up as:

  • One person constantly feeling afraid to speak or act freely
  • Monitoring phone use, whereabouts, or who someone sees
  • Using finances or children to control or punish
  • Belittling, gaslighting, or turning others against a partner
  • Physical or sexual intimidation, threats, or harm

Unlike parental conflict, abuse often means one person changes their behaviour to keep the peace, while the other’s behaviour goes unchecked. Children in these families may hide their feelings, act as ‘protectors’, or mimic controlling behaviours.

Example: A parent hesitates to speak during meetings because they fear the repercussions at home. They avoid seeking support, knowing their partner reads all messages and accuses them of betrayal. The children speak in whispers, describing the atmosphere as “walking on eggshells.”

Why the lines feel blurry

It feels blurry because there are behaviours in relationships featuring parental conflict as well as abusive ones. Examples of behaviours in both types of relationships can include shouting, swearing, disagreeing, blaming, silence and withdrawal, non-physical and aggression. What matters is the context and intention.

Families don’t always use the word “abuse.” Instead, they say:

  • “We’re just not good at communicating.”
  • “We both have a temper.”
  • “It’s been like this for so long… I don’t even know what’s normal anymore.”

There are reasons people struggle to name what’s happening:

  • It’s become ‘normal’: When someone grows up around control or shouting, they might not see it as unusual.
  • Fear and shame: Admitting abuse can feel like admitting failure, or risking further harm.
  • Control isn’t always obvious: It can be silent, slow-building, and invisible to outsiders.
  • People fight back: Sometimes a non-abusive person may shout or react, leading to confusion about who’s to blame.’

But the key question is this…Does one person consistently feel unsafe, unheard, or unable to live freely?

That’s the difference between conflict and control.

Spotting the signs

Here are some signs that point to unhealthy and potentially abusive dynamics:

  • One person walks on eggshells; the other dominates.
  • Someone changes their behaviour out of fear, not respect.
  • Arguments end when one person gives in, not because a compromise is reached.
  • There’s constant emotional pressure, threats, or manipulation.
  • Children take on adult roles, become anxious, or withdraw.

In contrast, conflict, though uncomfortable, usually allows for mutual input, personal freedom, and emotional repair.

What families and practitioners can do

It’s important not to rush and ‘label’ but not dismiss concerns.

Ask:

  • Does each person feel emotionally and physically safe?
  • Can both people express themselves without fear?
  • Are children thriving or treading carefully?
  • Is there a pattern of control, isolation, or fear?

Whether you’re a family member, friend, or professional, your role isn’t to judge but to listen, notice patterns, and create space for change. That might mean conflict resolution support, therapeutic intervention, or, in some cases, safety planning and protective action.

Final thoughts

Conflict and abuse are not the same, but both affect families deeply, especially children. Understanding differences allows for better support, clearer choices, and safer outcomes.

When we stop asking “Who started it?” and start asking “Who has the power?” we begin to see the dynamics more clearly. For some couples, a relationship breakdown is inevitable, and the conflict is often part of that breakdown. For others who want help and stay together, the right support can be transformative.  But for those who are experiencing abuse, understanding the early recognition of abusive dynamics can be lifesaving.

Emily Nickson Williams is the co-founder of We Are Amity CIC www.weareamity.co.uk

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by | January 22, 2025 · 12:11 pm

Norfolk PCC : Pilot to help vulnerable young people will provide a lasting legacy

A pilot to provide specialist support to families affected by child to parent abuse has been celebrating its positive outcomes.

The pilot has already offered support to 81 children and young people and their families.

Over 70 practitioners across Norfolk Children’s Services, Norfolk Youth Justice, NIDAS and some Norfolk schools have been trained to deliver Respect’s accredited intervention ‘The Respect Young Peoples Programme’ also known as the RYPP. The intervention is for families where children or young people aged 8-18 are displaying repeated abusive and harmful behaviour towards their parent or caregivers (including stepparents, adoptive parents, foster carers and kinship carers). This abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, damage to property, coercive and controlling.

Norfolk’s Police and Crime Commissioner, Sarah Taylor, said: “Thanks to funding from the Home Office’s Perpetrator Fund, this pilot has given us a rare opportunity to work closely with families experiencing child- and adolescent-to-parent violence and abuse. Some families experiencing this type of violence or abuse have said that they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as they don’t necessarily know how to best cope with the situation but don’t want to get the police involved. By working with other organisations including NCC’s Children’s Services, Youth Justice and NIDAS, this project has worked with families to help transform the support available, which in turn has helped them navigate these difficulties.

“Early findings show this work had had a profoundly positive effect on families involved, with a reduction in the need to involve the police or other services in interventions.”

“This joined up approach represents true partnership working. The Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) project has been overseen by my office and delivered in partnership with Respect, Norfolk Constabulary, Norfolk Integrated Domestic Abuse Service (NIDAS), Youth Justice, Norfolk Children’s Services and Brave Futures. 

“As part of the project, NIDAS recruited two full time CAPVA advocates, a UK first, and Brave Futures provided therapeutic support for young people who require extra support prior to engaging in the RYPP. I am delighted that this project has trained 72 practitioners to deliver the RYPP directly to families and the work by these practitioners will provide a lasting legacy.”

Justine Dodds, Head of Respect Young People’s Service, said: “The Respect Young People’s Service (RYPS) has been delighted to work with the Norfolk Police and Crime Commissioner this year and last. The programme has two dedicated Children and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) workers whose only role is to work with families on this specific type of abuse.

“This is the first time the Respect Young Peoples Service has trained staff in schools. This has been very exciting, with the potential to reach families before they hit crisis point and are forced to contact statutory services.

“The awareness raising work that we have delivered across children’s services and police is helping to improve understanding and empathy, and to identify what is often a ‘hidden harm’. 

“We want to champion our partners and the people that we have trained so far. This programme has the potential to be truly transformational and preventative by stopping CAPVA, before it starts.”

The Respect Young People’s Programme – how does it work?

The Respect Young People’s Programme (RYPP) is voluntary, and both the young person and their parent/guardian must consent to take part and be willing to engage. The programme avoids blame and works together with both the parents/carers and young person, seeing them all as part of the solution. The programme is designed to enable families to identify negative behaviour patterns and work towards positive outcomes.

RYPP practitioners provide support, insight, and simple solutions to help to improve family relationships via weekly structured sessions and takes approximately three or more months to complete. Sessions are varied and use a variety of creative tools and techniques, underpinned by theoretical models – primarily social learning theory, cognitive behavioural approaches, restorative justice, and conflict resolution.

One RYPP practitioner supporting their client said:

“The family engaged well throughout and really took on board everything within the sessions. I feel very proud of how far they’ve come and the improvement in their relationship and conflict resolution.

“The positive change in behaviour and reduction in aggressive, violent and or abusive behaviour has been wonderful to witness and reinforces my belief in the programme.”

Therapeutic support for children and young people

As part of the CAPVA Project, therapeutic support is provided to children and young people via a new service known as Changing Futures. Delivered by Brave Futures, a spokesperson explained the benefits: “Changing Futures provides a safe environment where children and young people can explore their emotions, gain deeper insight into their behaviours, and minimise their impact on others. Our support encourages self-regulation and equips them with healthy coping strategies to better manage their future. We are already witnessing the positive effects of this therapeutic approach, as children and young people are building trust, applying strategies learned in sessions, and showing improved engagement with education and employment.”

Families have their say

One young person after taking part in the Respect Young People’s Programme said: “It’s 100% helped me and mum and we have conversations every day.  It’s not just helped me but it’s helped my whole family.  We’re much happier now.” 

Parents have fed back on how the programme has improved family life. One parent said: “It has been really helpful. My child has taken some tips from it and has been taking some things in and has been thinking a little bit before they act.”

Another parent said: “It is the first time in four years I have felt we have a worker who understands the issues, listens and affirms, and is able to come up with effective and positive interventions and it has been a completely invaluable experience which we will continue to benefit from. We’ve loved working with our RYPP worker.

Early findings from the pilot have shown that all RYPP practitioners have reported a reduction in violence and abuse for the families that have completed the programme.

*After completing the programme, 93% of parent/carers surveyed said it had helped to improve their relationship with their child. A resounding 100% of their children said that it had helped to improve their relationship with their parent/caregiver.

For more information about The CAPVA project

In March 2024, partners, practitioners, and academic experts came together to discuss best practice and to share academic research at The Nest in Norwich.  The day’s conference provided an opportunity for services across Norfolk to raise awareness of CAPVA, to network and to shine a light on the great work already achieved.

*Data collated as of 8 November 2024.

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by | December 17, 2024 · 2:22 pm

International Child To Parent Abuse Conference

On October 14th, 2024, Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS) hosted an International Child to Parent Abuse (CPA*) conference online.  The conference was well attended, provided British Sign Language Interpreters for every presentation, and there were a range of speakers from around the globe with the goal of fostering “a collaborative environment where stakeholders can share knowledge and strategies to better support those impacted by CPA” (PEGSupport.co.uk).

A clear thread which ran through the day was the way in which different professionals, practitioners, and researchers were using a public health approach to understand CPA. 

The first speaker, His Honor Judge James Burbidge, highlighted that substance misuse is often found in cases that are seen in the Crown Court, providing two case examples of adult children, one was initially charged with attempted murder of her mother, the second was an adult child who had sexually assaulted his mother and planned to physically harm her. Julie Mackay provided case examples of patricide in her afternoon presentation. Substance misuse and serious mental health issues of the adult children were considered a prominent feature in every presentation. Amanda Warburton Wynn’s case study of a grandson who murdered his grandmother also referred to significant mental health issues and the pressures of mutual caring responsibilities. The lack of support for those supporting children or grandchildren with mental health challenges is a clear issue which has led to terrible outcomes for whole families.

More positively, PEGS have been working with Brightstar for many years, and they provide sessions for young people at risk of causing harm through a needs-based understanding (i.e. if a person has their needs met, they are less likely to cause harm). With a Believe, Belong, Become throughline, Brightstar begin each session with boxing, helping young people to meet their affective needs and regulate their emotions, they then continue to a behavioural session talking through thoughts and feelings (affective needs, relational needs). The importance of recognising unmet needs was also outlined by Jeremy Todd (Family Lives) through a violence-reduction programme of work in which parents are supported to understand and not normalise of minimise the harm, which includes supporting children with their neurodivergent, mental or emotional health needs.

Other, specific, CPA intervention programmes were outlined by Dr Andy Newman. A particular challenge in ‘what works’ for CPA is the lack of consistency, lack of long term data, and whilst many of the interventions mentioned have shown promising outcomes, it is clear that there is no one-size fits all, with some interventions being applied on populations they were not designed for (i.e. positive behavioural support for autistic children when it was designed for children with learning disability). What is clear is that there are many excellent services available, so much so that responses may be positive because of the good working practices, rather than the usefulness of a particular intervention.

NHS Safeguarding reported similar challenges, particularly regarding the relevance of neurodivergence and poor mental health in this area; that diagnoses are not labels, but a useful lens in which to understand a child’s experiences in the world. This concurred with Amanda Holt’s findings, who also found that parents would focus on the wellbeing of their child over their own safety. Both presenters, as well as Dr Silke Meyer in the afternoon session highlighted that a whole family approach, one which recognises that they have individual needs, as well as family needs, is important. Furthermore, recognise the wider family or systems, as many children live outside the family or with others in a parenting role.

A more systematic approach to tackling CPA was identified by Sarah Townsend who shared findings from her Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Travel Fellowship, exploring how New Zealand could learn from the UK and Australia when implementing policy guidance. How policy can stay ahead of progress is a challenge through, as highlighted by Emma Pickering, tech-facilitated abuse is evolving faster than policy-makers can keep up, and this has resulted in harmful artificial-intelligence generated imagery. Furthermore, just parents increasingly monitor their children’s locations using technology, children are doing the same for their parents.

How to help families through the lens of public health was clear throughout, with an emphasis on looking at how certain features of a person’s identity creating additional barriers to accessing support. Kate Fejfer spoke to how those from Eastern Europe have specific challenges when accessing support for domestic abuse more broadly, whereas Polly Harrar (CEO The Sharan Project) talked through the challenges South Asian families, and particular mothers, have when navigating CPA. Vulnerabilities of older adults was discussed by Rebecca Zirk, with Richard Robinson (Hourglass service) advocating for an older person’s commissioner, as Northern Ireland and Wales have one, but England and Scotland do not. 

PEGS is continuing to engage in a myriad of awareness raising activities of CPA, led by their founder Michelle John. Comments relating to the conference can be found on social media via #StandWithPEGS, and employers are encouraged to sign their CPA covenant to support any employees living with CPA.

Find out more about the event, and future PEGS events:  https://www.pegsevents.co.uk/

Nikki Rutter

*CPA is the preferred terminology of PEGS and the parents involved with them, and so is the language used throughout this blog.

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by | January 20, 2014 · 9:47 pm

Unusual intervention of the week #1

More used to the offer of craft, drama or DJing as an activity to engage young people in work addressing parent abuse, I was intrigued to hear about the use of horses in therapy, specifically as an aid to understanding emotions and relationships.

HorseHeard is a not-for-profit social enterprise company with the tag line, “Experiential learning through interaction with horses”. For those not so used to being around these beasts, horses are apparently very sensitive to non-verbal communication, mood or intention and provide instant feedback to those working with them. As such they have been useful in enabling people to explore and understand feelings of self-awareness, communication or, of particular interest here, issues around parenting or challenging behaviour. Continue reading →

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by | February 10, 2012 · 7:54 pm

Television producers in search of parents

I have been contacted by a representative from a television production company, interested in making a documentary about young children’s violent behaviour – including towards their parents. They would like to speak to parents, from within the UK, with this experience, or those working in the field. At the moment there is no actual scheduled programme and the direction the research goes will determine to which channel it is pitched.

Special Edition Films
are a production company that make documentaries for all the major
broadcasters. Currently we are researching a documentary on parenting in
the UK and are looking to speak with people (off the record) about their
experiences with toddler violence for the BBC. Perhaps a child is
difficult at home and violent at school, or the other way around, or have
become violent since a younger sibling has come into the picture  – we
welcome any and all stories.

We are not looking to film or record anyone at the moment — we just want
to get an idea of what people are experiencing, how and where they find
support, and what the outcome was, so that we can create a film that
properly represents this issue.

I have offered to pass on contact details if anyone would like to take up this offer to raise awareness of the issues around young children’s violent behaviour. Any agreement entered into would then be between you and the television company.

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