Helen Bonnick, a pioneering voice in the field of child-to-parent abuse and founder of Holes in the Wall has been awarded an MBE in the 2025 King’s New Year Honours for her outstanding services to families
This recognition marks a significant milestone in her decades-long commitment to raising awareness, supporting affected families, and shaping professional responses to this often-overlooked issue.
Helen is widely known for her work as a social worker, researcher, and advocate. This website, Holes in the Wall, has become an international hub for resources, research, and community support around child and adolescent to parent violence and abuse (CAPVA). Through this platform, she has helped countless families and professionals better understand and respond to the complexities of these behaviours.
In addition to her independent work, Helen serves as the patron of Capa First Response, a community interest company dedicated to supporting families experiencing child-to-parent violence. Her involvement has brought invaluable expertise and visibility to the organisation, helping it grow and reach more families in need.
Reflecting on her award, Helen shares:
“It was an incredible day and a privilege to be able to represent all those working in this field. I was most impressed with the briefing that Princess Anne had been given, allowing some time for a real conversation with her about the issue of blame particularly, as well as the sad fact that families around the whole world seem to suffer similar harm. My family have supported me in this work in countless ways over the last 20 years and so it was lovely that they could be there too.”
Helen’s recognition with an MBE not only honours her personal dedication but also shines a light on the broader issue of CAPVA, encouraging continued dialogue, research, and support for affected families.
The start point is my own home, we’re a family made through fostering and adoption. How that came about is their story but the themes of early adversity, separation and loss, then navigating the care system before being grafted into a home and family are common for the majority of adopted, kinship and fostered children. The impact on them doesn’t require too much imagination or knowledge of child trauma to understand.
The affect of early life challenges cast a long shadow across my children in different ways. Lots of normal parenting challenges but also meltdowns, dysregulation, shouting, threats, refusal, aggression, destruction, bullying and intimidation became our normal. Behaviour supercharged with, what was often, an intensity and duration far beyond behaviour that parents and carers expect. We found ourselves consumed and exhausted by the challenges, constant accommodation, negotiation, regulation and peacekeeping all the while struggling to keep ourselves sane.
There was an ebb and flow to our lives, we received support some good and some not so good, it would come and go, interventions and support would run it’s course.We managed at times for a period but then would be drawn into extremes of behaviour that would unravel us all.
This experience specifically inspired me to consider how services support families made through adoption and kinship arrangements beyond short bursts of intervention. For many families the challenges that they face are enduring and span childhood rather than brief moments in time or developmental phases. This question was the spark for my Fellowship*.
All this made me question how other countries and contexts supported parents and carers in similar circumstances. I knew, anecdotally, of some services in North America but the nature of the issue means that services supporting families are not always that easy to find. The Fellowship’s purpose is to draw learning from international models and then to see it applied to the UK.
I decided to undertake my learning online mainly because I didn’t know where to go. The silence around this issue is deafening and having been successful in my application I had a mild panic that I would not be able to identify professionals and services to speak to. I’ll not bore you the trail and where it led me but frequently the key links in the chain were parents and carers who had built on their lived experience to then go on and build, develop or work in services that helped other families.
Peer support was the cornerstone of so many services that I spoke to (Canada, USA, Republic of Ireland etc.). This was no real surprise, peer support offers specific antidotes to parents and carers who often find themselves isolated both in practical terms due to the physical need to be present with their child and to manage the environment but also the relational isolation that so often occurs. Online communities offer a unique opportunity to connect the caregivers in a way that meets the practical challenges but also the instant and reactive nature of many families’ daily lives.
Trained and supported peer coordinators/mentors working with clinicians offering interventions to families was a model utilised in Canada. The mentors were able to build onto the connections they had with parents and carers delivered low level but immediate interventions. For example, writing safey plans, identifying supporters and advocacy with other professionals. Beyond this they understood the clinical interventions being offered and spoke directly to the practitioners delivering them. Carers were supported while they waited for interventions, they were offered support in terms of their own wellbeing and then once the interventions drew to the end they didn’t fall off a cliff edge but remained part of the peer community and if necessary could retain access to the clinicians.
The benefits of community underpinned by interventions were clear, families spoke of feeling held, understood, supported and validated. They could ‘top up’ their knowledge and seek clarification. Like all families life would take over, children’s behaviour would ebb and flow but the door remained open with families remaining connected and did not have to start from scratch if they wanted help.
There was so much more discussed across the conversations I spoke with services in Australia about the model of intervention used for families and with practitioners in the US about respite and the needs of children. There was so many valuable conversations that I decided to release over 20 of the interviews as part of the report as well as the three podcasts that I created with my findings. You can view the report summary and listen to the podcasts here.
There’s no longer a silence in the UK about challenging, violent and aggressive behaviour in children but there remains no clear consensus on how to help families. My hope is to help move that conversation on. My Churchill Fellowship Report is part of that conversation. I hope people find it at least interesting and at best of value.
*The Churchill Fellowship is a UK charity which supports individual UK citizens to follow their passion for change, through learning from the world and bringing that knowledge back to the UK. Together the community of Churchill Fellows use their international learning to lead the change they wish to see across every area of UK life.
60% of adoptive parents say they have experienced violent and aggressive behaviour. Kinship families are often caring for children with similar biographies that can be compounded by the interfamily challenges and the age and circumstances of the carer.
Adoption is in crisis — and change is no longer optional.
We’ve created a full report and an executive summary, both of which include the Impact Pathway — a resource designed to support more effective, trauma-responsive and recovery-focused planning and intervention.
PATCH Pathway: Adoption Crisis Brought Into Focus
A comprehensive exploration of what’s going wrong — and what needs to change. It captures the voices of adopters, insights from experts, and the reality of lived experience.
PATCH Pathway: Executive Summary
A concise overview for time-pressed professionals. It lays out the key challenges and introduces ideas for real, preventative change.
PATCH Impact Pathway: Prevention in Practice (this is highlight in full in both documents above)
A practical approach to ensure support before breakdown — for families, carers, and systems alike.
The truth is simple: we are failing families. Trauma is being ignored. Systems designed to protect are instead contributing to breakdown — and the cost is paid by children, families, society, and the future of social care itself.
If you’re a professional, you already know: recruitment is low, disruptions are rising, and families are breaking down. You know change is needed.
I write to you as an adoptee, an adopter, a social worker, and the founder of PATCH. This work is born from personal experience and professional commitment. It doesn’t claim to have all the answers — but it’s a start. A conversation. A catalyst.
At its core is a simple message: if we don’t change how we treat adopters and foster carers, we won’t have any. And if we don’t support caregivers, parents, and families — we are not supporting children.
One cannot be done without the other.
We invite you to read, reflect, and join us in driving the change that children and families urgently need.
A pilot to provide specialist support to families affected by child to parent abuse has been celebrating its positive outcomes.
The pilot has already offered support to 81 children and young people and their families.
Over 70 practitioners across Norfolk Children’s Services, Norfolk Youth Justice, NIDAS and some Norfolk schools have been trained to deliver Respect’s accredited intervention ‘The Respect Young Peoples Programme’ also known as the RYPP. The intervention is for families where children or young people aged 8-18 are displaying repeated abusive and harmful behaviour towards their parent or caregivers (including stepparents, adoptive parents, foster carers and kinship carers). This abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, damage to property, coercive and controlling.
Norfolk’s Police and Crime Commissioner, Sarah Taylor, said: “Thanks to funding from the Home Office’s Perpetrator Fund, this pilot has given us a rare opportunity to work closely with families experiencing child- and adolescent-to-parent violence and abuse. Some families experiencing this type of violence or abuse have said that they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as they don’t necessarily know how to best cope with the situation but don’t want to get the police involved. By working with other organisations including NCC’s Children’s Services, Youth Justice and NIDAS, this project has worked with families to help transform the support available, which in turn has helped them navigate these difficulties.
“Early findings show this work had had a profoundly positive effect on families involved, with a reduction in the need to involve the police or other services in interventions.”
“This joined up approach represents true partnership working. The Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) project has been overseen by my office and delivered in partnership with Respect, Norfolk Constabulary, Norfolk Integrated Domestic Abuse Service (NIDAS), Youth Justice, Norfolk Children’s Services and Brave Futures.
“As part of the project, NIDAS recruited two full time CAPVA advocates, a UK first, and Brave Futures provided therapeutic support for young people who require extra support prior to engaging in the RYPP. I am delighted that this project has trained 72 practitioners to deliver the RYPP directly to families and the work by these practitioners will provide a lasting legacy.”
Justine Dodds, Head of Respect Young People’s Service, said: “The Respect Young People’s Service (RYPS) has been delighted to work with the Norfolk Police and Crime Commissioner this year and last. The programme has two dedicated Children and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) workers whose only role is to work with families on this specific type of abuse.
“This is the first time the Respect Young Peoples Service has trained staff in schools. This has been very exciting, with the potential to reach families before they hit crisis point and are forced to contact statutory services.
“The awareness raising work that we have delivered across children’s services and police is helping to improve understanding and empathy, and to identify what is often a ‘hidden harm’.
“We want to champion our partners and the people that we have trained so far. This programme has the potential to be truly transformational and preventative by stopping CAPVA, before it starts.”
The Respect Young People’s Programme – how does it work?
The Respect Young People’s Programme (RYPP) is voluntary, and both the young person and their parent/guardian must consent to take part and be willing to engage. The programme avoids blame and works together with both the parents/carers and young person, seeing them all as part of the solution. The programme is designed to enable families to identify negative behaviour patterns and work towards positive outcomes.
RYPP practitioners provide support, insight, and simple solutions to help to improve family relationships via weekly structured sessions and takes approximately three or more months to complete. Sessions are varied and use a variety of creative tools and techniques, underpinned by theoretical models – primarily social learning theory, cognitive behavioural approaches, restorative justice, and conflict resolution.
One RYPP practitioner supporting their client said:
“The family engaged well throughout and really took on board everything within the sessions. I feel very proud of how far they’ve come and the improvement in their relationship and conflict resolution.
“The positive change in behaviour and reduction in aggressive, violent and or abusive behaviour has been wonderful to witness and reinforces my belief in the programme.”
Therapeutic support for children and young people
As part of the CAPVA Project, therapeutic support is provided to children and young people via a new service known as Changing Futures. Delivered by Brave Futures, a spokesperson explained the benefits: “Changing Futures provides a safe environment where children and young people can explore their emotions, gain deeper insight into their behaviours, and minimise their impact on others. Our support encourages self-regulation and equips them with healthy coping strategies to better manage their future. We are already witnessing the positive effects of this therapeutic approach, as children and young people are building trust, applying strategies learned in sessions, and showing improved engagement with education and employment.”
Families have their say
One young person after taking part in the Respect Young People’s Programme said: “It’s 100% helped me and mum and we have conversations every day. It’s not just helped me but it’s helped my whole family. We’re much happier now.”
Parents have fed back on how the programme has improved family life. One parent said: “It has been really helpful. My child has taken some tips from it and has been taking some things in and has been thinking a little bit before they act.”
Another parent said: “It is the first time in four years I have felt we have a worker who understands the issues, listens and affirms, and is able to come up with effective and positive interventions and it has been a completely invaluable experience which we will continue to benefit from. We’ve loved working with our RYPP worker.
Early findings from the pilot have shown that all RYPP practitioners have reported a reduction in violence and abuse for the families that have completed the programme.
*After completing the programme, 93% of parent/carers surveyed said it had helped to improve their relationship with their child. A resounding 100% of their children said that it had helped to improve their relationship with their parent/caregiver.
In March 2024, partners, practitioners, and academic experts came together to discuss best practice and to share academic research at The Nest in Norwich. The day’s conference provided an opportunity for services across Norfolk to raise awareness of CAPVA, to network and to shine a light on the great work already achieved.
HOLES IN THE WALL 